I landed one of those adorable, charming Southern boys that Northern girls like me swoon for. I didn’t believe it possible—I clung to the belief that either he wouldn’t be able to handle a girl who came out of the womb with an opinion, or that his chronic politeness would drive me mad. The myth of the charming Southern boy sweeping the tough Northern girl off her feet was a fairy tale reserved for Matthew McConaughey movies.
Despite our relationship entering into its second year, its perceived impossibility lurks around us like a shadow. Our differences can be so great it seems at times as if we’re from two separate worlds. Truth be told, it could be argued that we really are.
Yelling
My world: A regular form of communication required if one wants to be heard or taken seriously.
His world: A rare form of communication used only when one is in grave danger and Lassie has failed to come to the rescue.
A Healthy Relationship
My world: When two people know each other so well they can roll their eyes, sarcastically predict their every move, publicly make fun of each other, and still laugh and make out like teenagers when no one is looking.
His world: Two polite people who never argue and always act on their best behavior in public as to not embarrass the other. The man plays copious amounts of golf without dissension from his mate, who happily occupies herself with activities he never inquires about.
An Abusive Relationship
My world: When one partner physically assaults the other.
His world: When the woman yells, makes sarcastic comments, or expresses any dissatisfaction at the notion of her mate playing golf.
Four-Letter Words
My world: A part of the English language which helps one assert herself.
His world: Something that only comes out of the mouth of classless Northerners.
A Family Celebration
My world: An obligatory event you attend begrudgingly where you drink heavily before arriving, pad yourself with more drinks when people begin yelling, eat a coma-inducing amount of food, all while dodging the nagging of your mother.
His world: A fun-filled gathering of jovial drunkenness, dancing, and joke telling, where everyone from eight to eighty parties to the wee hours of the night.
Church
My world: The place you visit before Easter brunch and Christmas dinner and fight for a seat amongst a congregation of one thousand-plus.
His world: The place where three separate generations can all catch up with their elementary school friends, their dentist, their mechanic, their postman, their ninth-grade English teacher, the Mayor, their real estate agent, and
their best friend’s daughter’s boyfriend.
Teenage Rebellion
My world: Using fake IDs to get into downtown nightclubs.
His world: “Field parties” where a bunch of people drive their trucks into a field, turn the headlights on, and drink Bud Lights.
Issues in Personal, Work, or Family Relationships
My world: Addressed immediately due to a complete inability to bullshit.
His world: A smile, nod, or turned cheek solves all.
It might be that men are from Mars while women are from Venus, but I’ve found that being raised in different regions within the same time zone provides a far more startling challenge. Ironically, these differences that make us feel as if we’re from separate solar systems were the very things we first found attractive about the other. But as with most things, what was once adorable soon became antagonizing.
Today, we try to practice balance—allowing each other to be ourselves while considering how our contrasts might be a gift. I rarely raise my voice and try to reserve curse words for special occasions. He now knows that saying what’s on his mind does not make Jesus weep or threaten world peace.
Now that we have been able to identify why and where our differences come from and how they might help enrich us, we are no longer quick to question the other’s sanity. After all, being different does not make one insane. Being Southern does.
