I will start by introducing myself. First, I am a twenty-one-year-old female and you can call me Starr. Since I was able to date I have, for many reasons, always felt the need for a guy in my life or have always had one. This never left time to understand myself or what I really wanted. Most times I never went looking for these relationships, having someone ask me on a date has never been an issue. The issue was I never learned to turn down dates to find myself.
So all that said, my path of self-discovery starts with my first attempt to move away and out of a serious four-year relationship, let’s call him Tom. I had met Tom when I was eighteen. He was a manager where I worked and we hit it off fast and began falling for each other quickly. Let me add, I had barely ended my past relationship and therein lies my mistake.
The next four years would consist of things moving too fast, an engagement at nine months in, and me trying to be someone I wasn’t so as not to feel like a failure in my relationship. After the first two and a half years, I realized I didn’t know myself well-enough to be ready for a marriage and what this relationship was offering. I realized that I did not know the man I loved as much as I thought. I would like to say to everyone—take the time to really get to know your mate before rushing yourself; it will save you time, and possible pain. In my situation I had found he lied about many things when we first started out, being too afraid to reveal them or tell me the truth. Also, he was seven years older and belittled me often because of that fact. What started as a passionate loving relationship turned into a series of game-playing and emotional abuse.
So I knew my time to go and escape this relationship while I was still sane and not permanently damaged was at a family Thanksgiving. Tom had felt the need to disrespect my family and call me any chance he had to argue with me when I was out with my mother, who had flown in from California to be with me for two weeks. My mother had finally sensed the time and that I was ready for her to tell me the concern she had for me regarding this relationship. Let me just say—never ignore insight from friends and family especially when a lot of them are all saying the same thing, something I had been doing for some time.
At a family gatherings that did not include Tom, I worked out the issues with my family and decided it was time for some tough love.
