Sleep is the quintessential “me-time,” and most people know exactly what they need in order to get the best rest. Some people like nightlights, some people crank up the thermostat, and some people enjoy white noise. Personally, I need the room to be dark, quiet, and cool before I can fall asleep, with the bed linens carefully and neatly tucked around me. Therefore, it seems particularly cruel that fate has paired me with a bedmate that snores incessantly and tears off the covers.
My partner and I have radically different sleep styles. I wake up every time he tosses and turns. We fight over space, usually shoving and elbowing each other all night. As much as I hate to admit it, I secretly look forward to the nights when he’s out of town, because only then can I get a peaceful night’s sleep. Sleep is far too precious and our nightly quarrels over who’s hogging the covers have become really stressful. It seems like some final, terrible relationship frontier, but I think we might be ready for separate bedrooms.
Like to Be Alone? Join the Club
It’s hard to admit, because some part of me feels like if we can’t sleep together peacefully, then we’ve failed as a couple. At least I know that we’re not alone in our nocturnal incompatibility. A study by the National Sleep Foundation found that about 24 percent of couples sleep in separate rooms and many couples who choose to sleep separately are reluctant to discuss it, fearing that people will assume the worst about their relationship.
For most couples who sleep apart, it’s a practical decision. They know they’ll never get sleep with their partners in the bed, so many retreat to guest rooms or couches. The National Sleep Foundation found that more than a third of respondents admit that their partner’s disruptive sleep habits have affected the quality of their relationship. Due to snoring, restless legs, or opposing schedules, many couples have found that rather than suffer through the effects of sleep deprivation, separate bedrooms allow them to be more well rested, which then helps them enjoy their relationship more fully.
