It’s over. It’s finally over. I wonder when I will wake up and find it’s all a dream. It wasn’t pretty getting here. I’m sad and upset to lose so many years of my life. I’m upset that the person I love and says loves me has no clue who I am, nor does he care. But I will try to move on with my life. I will try to do the things that make me happy. Problem is ... he will follow me.
He won’t let it end. He will insist that we talk about the many problems in our relationship, even though nothing ever changes. He will try to make me feel guilty by saying things like he’s trying harder than I am to fight for us. He will make me feel guilty by risking his health to “fight for us.” He will listen to me but never hear a word I say. He will tell me that nothing I say makes any sense. He will act like everything is fine and get upset because I don’t act the same way. He will make me feel guilty for doing “this” to him. He will tell me “this” is not what he wants.
I will try to ignore his attempts to draw me back in. He knows which buttons to push so it will be hard. I have to be strong. (Not always easy for me!) I will stay calm. I will tell him that I’m done trying to fix things because nothing gets fixed. I will continue telling him that I don’t want this anymore. I will tell him it’s not healthy for me to be in this relationship. I will tell him that I don’t believe him anymore.
I know that he won’t go away quietly. He won’t accept that it’s over and it’s for the best. I’m prepared for that. We have broken up before and he always found a way to suck me back in. But not this time. This time, I am fighting for me. I am going to stick to my guns and not back down. He won’t like it. He will act like a child who has gotten a new toy taken away. He will beg and plead and promise me the moon and the stars. He will try anything not to lose me. Sad thing is ... he already has.
