I recently undertook a writing project on my blog, discussing what it was like to be cheated on and, not only that, but to discuss what it’s like to try to work through that in one’s relationship. I know that my decision has been the road less traveled or, at the very least, the road less talked about and while I’m okay with that, I can’t help but wonder if it could be easier if the majority were with me. Then again, I know that trying to move past cheating, as opposed to ending a relationship because of it, is something that is never easy. It is a lesson that can only be learned the hard way. Whether or not I realized what that entailed three years ago, I am here now.
Those posts have spurred some thinking (as if the subject is ever far from my mind) and I’ve come to realize some other things as well. One of those is that, perhaps unsurprisingly, this process has been similar to being dumped by someone about whom you care immensely and with whom you’ve been for quite some time. This is especially true if that dumping comes as a surprise (and so has the cheating, which was my case). For me, those messages brought up very similar feelings and, not only that, but they altered my reality in such an irrevocable way that I was no stranger to doubtful thoughts as “Will I make it through this?” Now, I know that not only is there life after love, but there can be life after cheating (if a person wants there to be).
And so, to those who walk that road, I offer some advice. To those who haven’t, I hope you never will but the realist in me knows better so I hope you take something with you. To those who have already “been there, done that,” I admire you and appreciate your wisdom, too.
Keep Busy. Especially at first. Like that break up, it can be difficult to think about anything else so keeping your routine can be crucial to warding off thoughts of your loved one doing who-knows-what with someone who is undoubtedly more attractive than he or she really is, in your mind. This might be a good time to reconnect with friends and family whom you may have pushed to the back burner to focus on your relationship. Pick up an old (or new hobby), just keep your mind busy. Unfortunately for me, I was alone and unemployed in a relatively strange town so I dealt with perpetual nausea by myself. Luckily, I could focus on packing and moving for some of the time but the minutes crawled by entirely too slowly.
Make an Objective Decision. Once those aforementioned images of your loved one have faded from every waking hour to every other waking hour, take some time to determine whether or not the struggle you face is worth it. I wish I had more time for this step, I truly do. Who knows that I may have made the same decision, had I actually time to consider it? For some, moving on together is absolutely the right choice but not everyone. Some know that the best choice for their future happiness is to move away from the person who violated the terms of the relationship. Although it’s not easy, the swift chop is the most effective.
Tell Someone. This struggle is not one which anyone needs to go through alone. I knew I couldn’t have and despite the fact that many people have commended my strength in this, my strength comes from reaching out to others. Whether you tell a religious figure, a therapist, your best friend or your mother, there is always someone to listen. Of course, we sometimes make the mistake of choosing to surround ourselves with people who would use such information as ammunition so it’s important to make an informed choice of who you tell. The right person will be more than willing to help you shoulder the burden. In this aspect, I feel indebted to my family who took the time to listen and be supportive.
