One of the hardest things I recall about 2009, other than stock losses and economic woes, is the number of friends I have lost to divorce. One, two, three, four, five … and that’s only those involving infidelity, I haven’t even gotten to the mutually unhappy couples that decided it was time to throw in the monogrammed towel. I suppose when you live in the U.S. (with the highest divorce rate in the world) and you’re over forty, you can expect to start seeing your friends jimmy the old wedlock. Divorce (and cheating) isn’t big news—Tiger Woods, anyone?—until it starts happening to your own circle of friends. Then, life gets a little more complicated. Who do you invite to your next barbeque, Jon or Kate?
I’m certainly no expert on commitment, I’m a working mom (“WoMo”) with two kids who works too hard and now suddenly finds herself writing a book about it. Truth be told, the “D-word” did leak out for me in those really bad, new parenting moments. (No infidelity to speak of, I don’t have the time or energy.) I’ve also weathered a few duty storms to keep my graphic design firm thriving. In both cases, I asked myself if the obligations and promises were worth it. Fortunately for me, the hubby and I continue to come out the other side of our work-life partnership in one piece. But why? It got me thinking (which is never a good thing). In my very humble opinion, the challenges that we face in our careers are not unlike those that the institution of marriage is facing today. It’s a strange comparison, I’ll admit, but when you look at it from the right perspective the struggles are similar. For what it’s worth, here’s my two cents:
Monitor growth carefully. As soon as people get added to the roster, expect to duly multiply managerial duties and time commitment. There’s a reason companies have HR departments. Too bad hospitals don’t loan us one when we bring home that first baby.
Loyalty is a dying concept. Retaining employees and clients is damn hard these days. No more staying in one place for longer than a few years (my dad had the exact same business card for over thirty years, likewise for the house). Innovation and increasing choices are creating more competition and distractions. The inclination to think that the “grass is greener” will continue breeding tempting new ventures. After all, new is always a helluvalot more exciting (and if that weren’t true, shopping wouldn’t be one of our favorite pastimes and most women wouldn’t have eighty-five pairs of shoes).
It takes hard work. Fortune 500 companies don’t get there without a whole lot of effort. Likewise for marriage. Duh. But, some of us (me included) put so much effort into the relationships at work, that there’s not a lot left for the one at home. Add a kid or two into the mix and we’re stretched beyond the limit. We have to work hard at balancing “working hard” (say that ten times fast).
Free-for-all has a cost. Most successful companies foster happiness by providing structure for worker bees. Be it a form for filing expenses, procedures for operating equipment, or cubical farms for some spatial camaraderie, most people function better with limits (though we’d like to think otherwise). Don’t hate me, but I wonder… is limiting freedom the secret to a lasting marriage? There’s a reason grandma and grandpa never got divorced: there were no business trips for grandpa and grandma was sequestered to the kitchen. Ouch.
Honor thy partner. Aretha’s been belting it out since 1967 and I think she was on to something. Without a little reciprocal R-E-S-P-E-C-T from partnerships, we’re all doomed. Both at home and at work.
It’s not like TV or the movies. Who works in an office that looks like Ally McBeal? Remember that killer bathroom? Seriously … co-ed? How does that work in the real world? It wouldn’t. That’s my point: Bosses don’t act like Michael Scott from The Office, why would a spouse act like Richard Gere in Pretty Woman? I’ve yet to read in the paper about a wealthy, handsome knight marrying a hooker. Keep it real and keep romantic expectations in check.
