Men get grouchy; we women know this. And after a certain public domestic violence dispute between two pop stars, it was clear that violence against women, is and will never be acceptable. I was one of those women who rallied for this girl and against domestic violence of any kind. Well, now why am I sitting here asking myself ...Was I just abused?
Well, my boyfriend takes being grouchy to the next level. When he is tired and is knocked out, I usually don’t like to wake him, or I will see a side of him that is the total opposite of what I know. Sometimes when he is awake, he gives me these fits and attitudes that always seem to come out of left field. But I tell him straight out, “Don’t talk to me like that” and he gets pissed that I’m pissed, but whatever! I’m not about to lose my ground on how a man should talk to me.
So one morning, really early, I had to leave for work and he had to leave my house to go back to his so he could get to work. I kept trying to wake him up, I even let him take a ten-minute snooze, making me run a little late, and by the time I had to be due at work in fifteen minutes, I said that’s enough! I went to the bed and tried to wake him, he seemed somewhat conscious and looked like he was playing around with me, trying to get me to lay back in bed being all cuddly, but I said I can’t. As a joke, I pinched his nose with my two fingers and for some reason, that got a reaction that to this day, I am still questioning. He had this angry look on his face, said “WTF” and with one arm, shoved or pushed me so hard from the bed, I fell to the floor, hurt my back on a chair next to the bed and then hit the floor ... I was in total shock. I just sat there for what seemed like forever. When I got up, I looked at him and there he was sleeping. When he noticed I was storming out of the room, he went to grab my arm saying, “Hey, baby ...” and I just swung my arm so he couldn’t reach me and left the room. I went to get ready and collect myself. By the time I was absolutely having to leave I went to the room and told him I needed to leave and he just followed. There was no apology, no questioning why I was sad, pissed, and distant, nothing. He left and I left. When I got to work forty minutes late, I was asked why and I caught myself having to lie. I said I didn’t notice I had run out of gas and needed to get some in order to make it. When my friends asked me what was wrong, I lied again, saying I was just stressed and really tired. When they asked my I looked like I was in pain, I lied again and said I think I slept wrong and my back hurt.
For days, I wasn’t the same. When I finally confronted my boyfriend, he almost sounded like he was annoyed talking about this when we didn’t even mention one word about it. He said he was sorry and looked sincere, but how does someone in my place really know? I’ve had a family member part of a domestic violent relationship and all the crap she had to do, lying, pretending everything between the two was ok and pleasant, her fake smile, and I swore to her and me I would never allow myself to be put through that...so now was that exactly what I was doing? It may have only been one time but where is my reassurance it won’t happen again and worst?
Since that night, things have not been the same. I don’t really care to see him at this point, I don’t mind that we haven’t really talked, or spent time together, and I much rather be close to my family. I am scared to ask for advice because after what happened to my close family member, I am scared that something will happen to now my boyfriend. I did tell one person, someone I trusted with my life, and who doesn’t know anyone in my family, and she said that we both may need some time apart. Since that’s what we are already doing, or I am doing to us, I was wondering what next? Do I tell this guy that I love so much that I can’t be with him anymore? Do I forget all the happy moments we shared? Do I break his heart if he is genuinely sorry? How long will I be mad for? And most importantly, would we make it past this?
