Dear Dr. Romance,
I have been separated for almost two years now but don’t have the strength to file for divorce. In part, this is because I feel bad (I decided to separate because I was unhappy) and he has no immediate family in the United States, but also because of our daughter (her Christmas wish last year was “that mom and dad be together again”). I don’t think I love him any more but I certainly care about him because he is a good person overall. He has improved a lot, but unfortunately I think this came too late to save the relationship. I think he is still hopeful although he never said anything (this is part of the problem, he is never proactive). And it is breaking my heart to know how much my daughter wants us to be together again. I am worried that I am wrecking her life. What should I do?
Dear Reader:
I’m also worried that you’re wrecking your daughter’s life for no good reason. It takes work to build a marriage, and it sounds like you just opted out without seeing if you could solve the problems. “I don’t think I love him any more.” Is not a good excuse for destroying your family. Long-term marital love must be built—it doesn’t just happen. If he’s a good person, but somewhat passive, and he’s already improved, why don’t you try improving, too? Start your new year by restarting your marriage. You can show him how to be proactive. The two of you can get counseling for your marriage, read books, figure out how to work better together. You have to create your happiness, it doesn’t just happen to you.
