Each year millions of people suffer the crippling effects of a life-shattering event—breakup/divorce. Naturally they want to understand their predicament, grasp what has befallen them, or tell the world what they are going through.
Two natural disasters come to mind when people describe their relationship failure: “It’s like an earthquake,” or “Now I know what it’s like to be under a volcano.” According to the metaphors, you cannot mend the chasm in the Earth or put the lava back in the crater. Yet despite their similarities, these two phenomena are different in crucial respects. The same is true for the patterns of breakup.
The earthquake: It’s sudden, fast, and furious. A shock wave hits and the territory becomes unrecognizable. The cataclysm turns your known universe upside down: one day you are a reasonably happily married couple, the next you are the worst of enemies. You feel betrayed, all trust has broken down. He/she has gone and you are left with nothing. You cannot believe it’s happening to you. Divorce figures used to be a statistic, now you are a statistic.
The family home feels like a bomb site, especially if kids are involved. The parents can hardly take care of themselves, let alone see to the needs of their children. Emotions are running high. Everybody concerned is just about cracking up, barely keeping their bits together, and at best waiting for the dust to settle.
Involvement with a third person is often the cause of this kind of rupture. But it is not unknown for one party, without warning, to pack his/her bags and leave, either because he feels it is all too much or she just reached her wit’s end.
If you are not the initiator, you are probably feeling that the bottom has dropped out of your world, that you are worthless, hopeless, and a lost cause. You’re convinced you will never have anything going for you again. In sharp contrast, you think your ex has taken all the “good” with him or her and is living it up.
Perhaps it was inevitable living on a fault line, but who thought the day would come. The last earthquake was in 19 . . .
