I’ve heard the phrase “Everybody needs somebody” all my life and never gave too much thought to it because everything was always handed to me but not in the way you might think because I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth.
My husband was always saying something similar to this lifelong phrase but I never listened because I was comfortable in my own skin – being a loner. Being a loner wasn’t cutting it for me or my husband. It was a problem for me because I thought that others were to blame for me not having friends. It was a problem for my husband because he is a music producer who works in our home; he got tired of me being in our room while he recorded instead of being out socializing with others.
He decided to talk some sense into me one day which encouraged me to write this. The other reason he mentioned this to me was because he felt like I gave “quick remedies” to our problems; I say I’ll do things and I don’t follow through; he gave me the advice that I needed to think more about what I was going to say before saying it. This offended me because I do whatever I can to motivate us by any means possible. He also knows that I’m motivated once he’s motivated to do something and he claims it’s the other way around. I’m the type of person to say what I mean and mean what I say but he doesn’t see it that way – not at all.
Like I told you before I was a loner and my husband helped me to learn that I need to have a social environment, I need other people to survive, and that having a social environment is a give & take thing. I also learned that others will accept me and what I have to give and offer to them including my opinions, my advice, etc.; he made me realize that I have more to offer and being quiet won’t let people see who I really am or what my soul really represents.
The back story of why I’m a loner is because I’ve had a few bad “friendships” in school where the girls that I thought were my friends talked about me behind my back. I also realized that it was a majority of it was my fault because whenever this happened, I distanced myself from them. I’m always the person to say be yourself and don’t change for anyone but what was happening was my surrounding’s fault and my own. However, I wasn’t trying to make a change in my outlook or make a difference in what was happening to me.
I realize that I have the power to change the way someone is looking at me, what they see or hear, and what kind of ideas they may get from me. In school, my mistake was that I didn’t put two + two together – school life and home life. I was a loner at school and a homebody at home; I distanced myself from my “friends” at school and at home, I never went over to “friends” house at home except for when I was in around 5th grade when I began talking to them on the phone. Before that I noticed that the people I knew (“friends”) were always chatting about what happened at home or over the phone and that is where I was left out of the equation, usually feeling left out.
What I noticed was that the popular girls and the girls that were in cliques observed another girl’s personality and forced her to hang out with them and since the girl with the personality liked the attention from a clique, she accepted the initiation. Since I wasn’t showing much personality, I was shunned from the group.
