My very good online friend, Enki asked me a very thought-provoking question a few months back that I hardly ever gave thought to. He asked, “Are you STEADFAST or ADAPTABLE? Are you fixed or flexible to your PHILOSOPHY on these three: LIFE, LOVE, & GOD?”
I answered this question with this response: “Through LIFE, I am Adaptable because I’ve been through so many personal emotional struggles that I’ve battled within myself from my family and from other people, so I had to adapt to people’s ways of life to simply and survive especially through rough times.
In LOVE, we’ve all been Adaptable whether it’s from our partners or whether it’s us. I have always been Steadfast because I have always wanted to experience true love because of the personal struggles that my family has treated me. So, I always treated the men in my life right until I hit a breaking point. When I was sixteen, I was dating an older guy and he cheated on me with someone one year younger than me. It broke me because I was the first younger girl he dated then he turned around and dated someone else without even telling me. I had to find out when he walked down the street with her. They flaunted it where he and I used to hang out, in our spot. It crushed me even more when he whispered to her the same thing to her that he did to me when we were dating. I almost got into a fight with her but I walked away feeling lost, incomplete, and like my soul had been lost.
For a whole month, I didn’t want to do anything that I used to do with him or to even do what I enjoyed doing. Although part of me did want to see a glimpse of him or to try to get back with him but it never worked. I moved on after something my brother David told me—he reminded me of who I used to be before I met my ex-boyfriend and that gave me the strength to go on. After breaking up with him, I realized that I had adapted into what he had made me, I had began to treat my relationships like he treated me. I had another bad relationship after him but I didn’t fall as hard as the first time and didn’t feel as I did before. I had to get them before they got me and to treat them the way they treated me but it still hurt me nonetheless because I still wanted true love. After, I broke it off with that guy, I met my husband who showed me what true love is and what true love could be. He showed me just what I always wanted in a partner and he was everything that I wanted everyone else to be; nothing more and nothing less.
With God, I am Steadfast because I know who God is—God is me. God feels what I feel, he goes through what I go through, and he is Me and Everything I am.”
Now, the answer about Love made me think about LOSING LOVE. When I was sixteen, this guy had made me do things that went against the very core of who I was, I had lost my morals, my values, and who I was just to stay with him. After he flaunted this new girl and so-called “Love” in my face, I had felt as though I lost myself in being with him; I had truly lost my soul.
When my brother came and gave me a pep-talk, I woke up and became more conscious of how to become more careful of who I wanted to be with. I had expectations for our relationship and never discussed them with this guy which led to our downfall. After we broke up, there was something in me saying, “Get them before they get you. Whatever they do to you, do it back to them.” So, I did that for a few months with different guys because I wasn’t taking it seriously.
