Money can be the source of financial stress, resentment, and arguments for many couples. Many marriages have caved in under the pressure of too much debt, poor investment choices, spending addictions, or overspending to maintain a lifestyle that is financially inappropriate. In this article I’m going to discuss spending addictions.
You know you have a spending addiction when you shop compulsively causing either your savings to diminish or the amount of money you owe on your credit cards continues to increase. You may have a habit of not telling the truth about what things cost, hiding your purchases, and possibly hiding the increasing credit card debt from your spouse. Your spouse may not be aware that you have even applied for new credit cards using their social security number. Because of your inability to stop overspending you are immersed in feelings of guilt and loathing for yourself.
You may have a difficult time asking for help because underneath you feel you are a selfish person as you watch other family members suffer as a result of your addiction. For instance your spouse works longer hours to help pay for your increased spending or you are unable to afford dental work for your child. You may even feel that, since it’s impossible for you to keep to a budget, that any type of help would be useless.
Spending addictions can be compared to food addictions—the more a person diets often the more weight they gain, as it is with a spending addiction. Often the more you try to control the addiction, the more you spend until you are faced with zero remaining credit and there is nowhere else for you to finagle the money that allows you to feed your spending habit.
People who have spending addictions are in fact not selfish people, as sometimes they might believe about themselves. Rather, they are usually selfless. What I mean by this is that they have very little sense of who they are and who they are is often the most wonderful, loving, creative, and gregarious people who simply lack a developed sense of self. This is the reason why budgets don’t work long term for an addictive spender. The budget forces them into an unnatural state since the budget doesn’t address the true issue —the issue of “selflessness.” A spender may even find creative ways to continue their addiction while giving the appearance of conforming to a budget.
Spending addiction is the most difficult financial issue a marriage can face and has been the result of many divorces. As the unknowing spouse begins to learn of the addiction they may feel that it’s negatively impacting their financial future and a battle they can’t win and instead choose to leave the marriage.
I recommend the Financial Wellness Coaching for a spending addiction; it can not only save your marriage but you’ll also come away with a greater sense of yourself. You will begin to expand more into your life as a result of this internal transformational work rather than shrinking as feelings of self-loathing take hold over you. As you gain a greater sense of yourself, your addictive spending habits will slide away and you’ll experience a greater vision of life, family, joy, and self acceptance.
