There are a number of people in the world that I love. They are the two adorable spirits who share my home, the wonderful people comprising my family and the friends i've collected along the way. So, when someone becomes someone I love, usually, by the time i love them, I understand a larger picture of them; the things about them that make me wonder, that make me smile, laugh, annoyed, frustrated, curious, impatient, and engaged. Because, truly, if I love someone, they are bound to inspire all these in me at some time, in various degrees and combinations. And the longer I love them, the more complex the combinations and potentials.
The longer I love someone, and the more complex my experience with them is, the more likely I am to show them the the darker and greyer shades of myself. My husband, my sister and brothers, know well my immense imperfections. I am not so beguiling when I'm well known, I fear. And when someone sees me more completely and has more of their own impatience and annoyance with me, the less likely I am to give to them the very best of me. I think this is natural.
It happens that the very best of me is my love for them. The very best of me in all my relationships with the people I love is the love I have for them and over time, it becomes less likely that I will put that part of me right out front, to lead with love. The people whom I love know I love them. And I know they love me, too but the activated, obvious, empowering and beguiling force of love gets dust-laden and quiet over time. Still there, still keeping me there with people, still a component of the good times we share but perhaps not working as it could.
I think if we lead with love we become more forgiving of others' faults. If I decide to lead with love in my relationship with my husband or sibling, I necessarily prioritize the joy I feel with them, the respect I have for them and the compassion I have for them as an imperfect person. And it makes the relationship easier and more fun; less work. It's sort of like the difference between using a road bike on a mountain trail and using a mountain bike on a mountain trail. Mountain bikes are what you're supposed to use when mountain biking. If you use a road bike, you'll still be able to do it. But you'll likely get stuck a bunch, miss opportunities to take a great hill so wind up going the long way, be abundantly careful not to hit rocks or go through puddles, expend a lot more energy in general and not for the enjoyment of the ride. Just as a mountain bike for a mountain trail, love is what we're supposed to use in our relationships.
The longer we forget to lead with love, the longer and slower and harder the ride can be. In some cases it takes humility to put love out front and in some cases it takes simply remembering. In all cases it is worth doing, worth endeavoring to love actively and primarily the people for whom you have it.
