I’ve always been one to lose myself in relationships, and although I know I’m far from the only one, it had created a lot of heartbreak in my life; but lately I finally realized that the universe’s rejection was truly for my own protection.
For a long, long time, I couldn’t get the realization of the wholeness I have all on my own if I continued to allow myself to completely mold myself into what I thought the other person wanted, instead of knowing and expressing who I AM, who the uni-verse created me to be.
I was finally given a severe wake-up call when I would have severe panic attacks in relationships because I had no concept of self-love. My sails were completely governed by their course, and my soul was crying out to me to shine my own light, to love myself as myself, and to not let external circumstances shape me into something I wasn’t, and to give as much attention to my wants, needs, and desires as I was for the significant in my life.
Recently, I have been cleaning and re-arranging like mad to prepare for my long-distance boyfriend’s visit, including putting into place some newly learned feng shui cures, just for fun, and I kept thinking to myself of what he would think of it, but then I heard a voice in my head say, “Who are you REALLY doing this for? Him, or you?” and in that moment I released my need to make everything about my boyfriend and decided that yes, I was doing it for me, because it felt good to ME. When he goes back to where he lives, it’s just going to be me, and this room I’m rearranging. I am finally at a place where I can embrace that I am truly the one steering my ship of my life, and my significant other along for the ride. I can chart my own path based on who I truly am and it feels great!
