There’s really something about Kyle that Brian lacks. He makes me feel sexy, and when a woman feels sexy, I mean really sexy, it is sure to be an exciting ride for those involved. The way he looks at me, the way he touches me and grabs me by the back of my head to pull me closer into a passionate kiss. His aggressiveness, yet not overly-eager. The way he looks deep into my eyes and gives me that “You are the only woman that I could ever want” look. And when he makes love to me, his gentleness mixed with his firmness keeps me turned on.
I love how he asks, “Does it hurt?” and then that question quickly changes to “Does it feel good to you?” The way he is always concerned about my pleasure first. He seems like he was created just to please me. This in return makes me feel that I was placed on the earth to receive this pleasure and return pleasure to him as well. Sometimes I get so caught up in this pleasure that I feel as if I’m living a fantasy, because it seems impossible to receive that amount of sexual fulfillment.
And after the deed is done and we go our separate ways and I go back home to Brian, I began to wonder, “If Kyle and I were together, would I feel this same way?” Or is it the excitement of knowing that I’m sneaking out and could possibly be caught that heightens the pleasure? I’ve never been one to get high off of danger and excitement, but lately I’ve felt as if I need to re-evaluate our relationship and why I really enjoy sex so much with Kyle. It’s gotten so bad that the one or two times that I do have sex with Brian, I feel nothing. There’s no connection, there’s no excitement, and there’s no pleasure.
Now, the foreplay is pretty great between Brian and me, but once sex is involved, I feel nothing. I’ve tried riding him and doing everything thing in the book just to feel something. I tried to mentally picture myself being turned on and feeling sexy but once the action begins, nothing! He gives me those same looks Kyle does, he asks those same questions, and I answer with a “Yeah, it feels good,” but it’s all rehearsed.
My intentions are to feel pleasure from both men if possible, but I can only feel something with one guy. After all, what’s the point of spending four minutes screwing a guy and not getting anything out of it? I do it just so he can cum and stop bothering me about it. I would much rather: A) Make love to Kyle, B) Masturbate to porn and a vibrator, and C) Never have sex with Brian again. But is that even possible? Can I continue a relationship with Brian and never enjoy sex with him? Is that humanly possible, or am I doomed to forever seek pleasure elsewhere. And why am I feeling this anyway? Six years isn’t that long! What should I attribute these feelings with? I’m really unsure at this point.
