Introducing a vibrator into your relationship can be very rewarding. Studies have shown that women who use vibrators experience better sexual function. Contrary to popular belief, many people buy vibrators for use with their significant other, rather than for individual play. Accordingly, at Jimmyjane we design products and experiences not only to provide pleasure, but also to strengthen connection and create provocative possibility.
While adding a vibrator to your relationship can be exciting, introducing the subject can be daunting for some. Here are a few of the most common questions we’re asked, accompanied by some suggestions we hope you’ll find useful. Every relationship is different, so be creative and adjust as necessary to meet your needs. And if you’re looking for further guidance, don’t hesitate to Ask Jimmyjane.
PS—The same approach that’s outlined below can easily be adapted to other desires as well …
How can I help my partner understand my interest in trying a vibrator?
Communicate
The single best way to expand and improve your sex life is always to communicate with your partner. This is particularly true when trying something new. Uncertainty and worry will often fill in wherever lack of communication leaves an opening. Communicating your feelings directly is worth a thousand intuitions.
Be Open
Share why you’re interested. If it’s because the idea turns you on, say so. If it’s because you think your partner will enjoy it, and his or her enjoyment is very important to you—say that. If you feel it’s important to “spice things up,” well, there’s a conversation that’s definitely worth having. Once you are candid about your feelings, your partner will be much more inclined to express his or her own.
Pay Attention
Be sensitive to your partner’s comfort level. Going a little bit outside our comfort zone can be exciting, but going too far is simply uncomfortable. If you sense hesitation or concern, ask about it, and adjust your plan accordingly.
How should I start the conversation?
If you’re uncertain how to bring up the subject of vibrators, not to worry. Given that in the US, 52.5 percent of women and 44 percent of men between the ages of 18 and 60 have used a vibrator, chances very good that your partner has either tried or considered trying a vibrator. Follow the suggestion that best fits your comfort and experience level with your partner.
Ease into It
If you want to test the waters first, try introducing other products and experiences with lower stakes into the relationship, and begin to open up the possibility of greater exploration. For many, massage is an easy way to connect. Most of our massage products have sexual uses as well, making them a great lead-in.
Point to Oprah
Vibrators now appear regularly in mainstream press, providing ample opportunities to simply open with, “guess what I read about today?” Recently, we’ve seen media icons from Oprah and Barbara Walters to Kate Moss and Mary-Louise Parker discussing vibrators, and news pieces about vibrators appear everywhere from Cosmopolitan (obviously) to the New York Times and from Fox News to Forbes.
Stumble Across One
Vibrators are everywhere, so there are more opportunities than ever before to bump into one and comment. The next time you’re in your local supermarket, CVS, Walgreens, Rite Aid, Target, etc., take a look next to the condoms and you’ll likely find a single use Vibrating Ring—and perhaps more. Mention it to your partner, and profess your curiosity about the ring, and/or vibrators in general.
Blame It On the Vernal Equinox
If you’re feeling fairly confident, you can give a vibrator as a gift, using a special occasion to help explain your special thoughtfulness. Valentine’s Day is an obvious opportunity, but other holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and even sunny Tuesday afternoons are all good occasions to give a vibrator.
What about vibrator envy?
Introducing a vibrator into your relationship can easily be misinterpreted to mean that something was wrong or missing, and can cause your partner to have misgivings about this newcomer.
There Are Benefits for Both of You
Women who masturbate and/or use vibrators often learn a great deal about what feels good for them—and are then able to share this information with their partner. A lot can be learned by simply paying attention to how your partner uses a vibrator. Non-verbal communication like this can be a good first step to communicating more openly about preferences and desires, leading to more satisfying sex.
Apples and Oranges
It’s helpful to be reminded that using a vibrator alone, and being with a partner (with or without a vibrator) are two very different experiences. Masturbating alone does not replace the desire to be with a partner—indeed, it can actually increase it.
Size May Matter
To remove one conscious and/or subconscious concern for men; start with a vibrator that is smaller than he is. It may sound silly, but it’s a simple consideration that can make a significant difference in your first experiences together.
Share and Share Alike
Until you’re both comfortable, use your new vibrator together so that it develops as a shared experience. Take turns holding the vibrator, using it to show one another what feels good. Having one person hold the vibrator while the other guides their hand can be very instructive—and exciting for both of you. It also ensures that everyone remains involved and connected.
By Ethan Imboden of JimmyJane