September twentieth my husband and I will be celebrating our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. Looking back I can’t believe it. I’m so proud of us. And let me tell you it was a lot of work! Of course like everyone else we’ve had our ups and downs and in betweens. There were some really rough times, mostly in the earlier years that included issues with money, work, kids, and even infidelity. Not to mention the three DUIs my husband decided to get before he stopped drinking and driving. And of course there were wonderful times, like when we got married, the births of our children, holidays, vacations, and our sex life.
Sexually, the first twelve years were very exciting. We were hot and heavy most of the time. We could easily go two to three times a day, almost every day. And I’m not talking fifteen minutes and it’s over. For my husband forty-five minutes was a quickie. It’s a wonder we ever got anything else done. Early in our relationship I was a rather insecure, somewhat uptight person. But deep down there was definitely a kinky side that was scared to death to come out. That was probably the best part about us sexually. He was not the least bit uptight and he was very kinky. So slowly but surely he brought the true me out. He introduced me to dressing up for him, toys, porn, bondage, and a bit of S&M. He even got me to try a threesome a few times. Which turns out not to really be my thing. But hey, at least I can say I tried it. We had sex in the back of a limo, in an apartment hallway, on a beach, in a lake, and the list goes on. Just thinking about those days gets me horny all over again. We had an absolute blast.
But then we started to grow up and be responsible adults. And the funny thing is that the ups and downs are nothing compared to the day to day tedium. I think that’s the worst part, when you’re so busy that you become “human doings” instead of “human beings.” You get so busy that you don’t have time for yourselves or each other any longer. The majority of your conversations are about what needs to get done, who needs to do what, what’s for dinner, what kid did what to whom. And sex? Are you kidding? Who has the time, or energy, or even inclination for that?
And then there’s now. It has taken a bit of work to get where we are now, and we still have a bit of a ways to go. At first when our youngest moved out it was like we were strangers living in the same house. I mean, we both still loved that stranger, but we really didn’t know how to communicate any longer without four children in the middle. We didn’t know what to say to each other. So for several months I sat here at my computer, half the time quietly crying because my baby left home, while he sat watching television. We only said what was needed to each other. And the only intimacy we shared was a little peck in the morning and a kiss good night, followed by the usual “I love you” and “I love you too.” We still meant it, but we forgot how to communicate it.
What the hell happened? This was/is the man that I love with all of my heart. Our sex life had always been amazing! We were the best of friends. I have known him since I was sixteen and he was nineteen, that’s the majority of both of our lives. Why was it like this? This was supposed to be the time in our lives that we were waiting for. You know, when the kids are driving you crazy and you can’t get away, you say to each othe, “When they grow up and move out we’ll ... ” Along with all of this, we weren’t getting along very well. The only person I had to look forward to coming home and spending time with me, had nothing but negative things to say to me. I became so depressed and SO lonely! I thought my life was over.
