Sexuality simply begs to be explored. What turns us on is always in flux, involving the push and pull of contrasting forces—giving versus receiving, control versus vulnerability. Whether you’re just beginning to test the waters or have years of experimentation behind you, there are always new facets to uncover and more fun to be had. In this monthly series we at Jimmyjane will guide you through a variety of ways to introduce exploration into your sex life and give every day more potential for pleasure.
Familiar and New
It’s natural to fall into a routine; when we find something we enjoy, we stick with it. It’s also natural to want to push beyond this, and keep “routine” from becoming “rut” by actively seeking new experiences. The missionary position has many benefits, but can lose its luster if it’s the flavor of the day, every day. On the other hand, while trying a new position every time you have sex might be exciting, if you never return to your favorites, you’re hardly profiting from all the experimentation.
Clearly, the Familiar and the New are inextricably linked; without one, you won’t get much out of the other. The Familiar provides us with a solid and reassuring “home base,” making it the perfect launching point for exploring the New. These new experiences open us to different perspectives and keep us intrigued. Since they aren’t tried and true, they’re inherently a bit riskier, but these small gambles can net big rewards.
Below are three ways to explore experiences both Familiar and New. Our suggestions don’t favor one over the other—each complements the other, giving you the best of both worlds. You may even find new explorations becoming familiar, and familiar ones becoming new again.
1. Change the venue. While a familiar bedroom can be a perfect setting for trying something new, simply taking the action outside of the bedroom can be very new, in and of itself. You don’t have to go far. The dining room table may turn out to be the just the right height and the pantry may bring out your reverse cowgirl. For those who’ve exhausted the possibilities of ottomans and credenzas, try an impulsive hotel getaway (even if it’s in the neighborhood). The bed may be a familiar sight, but the unfamiliar surroundings can open you both to new possibilities.
2. Flip the script. Start with what you know and love, but turn one aspect of the experience on its head. If one of you is typically on top, now that person’s on the bottom. The leader becomes a follower. The quiet gets to be vocal. The one who usually comes first has to give before they receive. You can apply this idea to any of your patterns, making it as approachable or challenging as you want. This is a great way for you to gain new perspective on your own desires, as well as your partner’s. Once you try reversing one element, you may find yourselves naturally reversing many more.
3. Same play, new props. The right accessory can bring new thrills to a familiar scene. The opportunities are all around us. After 9 1/2 Weeks we never looked at the lowly ice cube the same way again. Likewise, a blindfold can create anticipation, heighten the senses, and add new intensity to your partner’s familiar touch. Or, you may find that simply holding a small vibrator between your bodies during sex offers plenty of adventure. There’s a wealth of options to choose from, enabling you to decide just how far from the familiar you want to roam. Of course, if vibration is what you crave, we can help you find the perfect vibrator here.
Originally published on JimmyJane
Photo courtesy of JimmyJane
