When Love Hurts
Someone once said, “love is blind, deaf and dumb.” But true love isn’t. What most people deem love or being in love is false, a fantasy, something made of fairy tales. Many times ‘love’ is lust, or infatuation, or propelled by a total lack of common sense. If people truly understood the meaning of what true love, unconditional, unselfish, devoted love is relationships and marriages wouldn’t be in the chaotic state they are today. In fact, close to half of all marriages end in divorce.
As women we are the queens of extreme self-neglect. We don’t have time to love ourselves and we neglect our own happiness, health, freedom, advancement, education or self -respect in order to take care and help others – spouse, family, kids, friends, co-workers. We tend to push forward no matter what pain we are in mentally, emotionally, spiritually or physically. And in doing so we are the ones who suffer more with physical and health problems, as well as psychological issues e.g. depression, drugs and alcohol abuse or emotional eating, than our male counterparts. We put everyone first and ourselves last, especially when it comes to a man. Unfortunately, losing oneself in a man is one of the worse things you can do for many reasons, including being blinded by “love” in the form of infidelity.
When a woman takes a man back after he has committed the ultimate act of betrayal their marriage will never be the same. Even with counseling, that woman will always have in the back of her mind the thought that her husband may be cheating on her. How do you let the man back into your heart and become truly intimate again when you have no idea what he’s up to once he leaves the house?
Forgiving a man and allowing him to share your body and your bed after he has stuck a knife in your heart diminishes respect for you. It doesn’t matter what he buys you in an attempt to make amends for his wrong doing; no diamond, no new house or car, no vacation, nothing should ever take the place of the love you should have for yourself. Making excuses for staying with the cheater, e.g. the kids need a father, I don’t have the finances to support myself, my religion forbids divorce, what will my family, friends, co-workers say, and the biggie – I still love him, these excuses mean you are not being true to yourself and what you deserve to have in your life, which is a committed, loving, honest husband, lover and friend.
Love & Infidelity
There are many reasons why people have affairs, and women are guilty as well. However, according to TruthAboutDeception.com more men cheat than women, and having an emotional affair can be just as devastating, painful and hurtful as a physical one. But no matter what the reason is for cheating, it all boils down to selfishness, conceit, ego, irrational decision making, and low self-esteem.
Love is no longer truth when a married person forsakes his vows for emotional companionship or sex outside of marriage, which most often leads to devastating consequences. Beyond tearing apart the foundation of the family, the wounded spouse is left emotionally devastated, hurt, and full of anger. Plus, now she must also deal with the possibility that she has a sexually transmitted disease, especially AIDS. She has to take the time and energy to make an appointment with her doctor to get checked out.
My working in the entertainment industry and the sports world as an athlete and
a filmmaker has shown me that men do what they want whenever they want. Men
cheat, most women forgive. It’s that simple, but it’s also sad and unfortunate. The truth
is if women stood their ground more often; if they didn’t tolerate or accept or condone
the actions of their unfaithful spouse there would be far fewer men who would engage
in this behavior.
Here are some of the reasons people justify having an affair.
The Improve My Marriage Affair- Some people actually believe that if they have an affair it will improve their marriage; that the spark and excitement will return. It might return, but only temporarily.
The What If Affair - The reasoning behind this kind of affair is to see what would happen if you had an affair. Would being with someone other than your spouse ease the stress you have and help solve the problems in your marriage or would you be happier with someone else. But just to warn you, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
.
The Can’t Figure It Out Affair – You’ve tried counseling, talking to your pastor, along with consulting a trusted family member or friend, and yet, your marriage still sucks. What is a person to do? You have an affair, right?
The Unfulfilled Affair - Your needs just aren’t being met - sexually, emotionally, financially, spiritually or mentally – and there’s no connection between you and your mate. You feel like strangers who are polite, but lack passion. You figure you can get your needs met by someone outside of the marriage. This is only a fantasy that will eventually come crashing down around you.
The I’m Not Over The Hill Affair – People who hit a certain age, usually middle age, want to know if they still ‘got it.’ And what better way to test that theory than to have an affair, especially if the person you’re hooking up with is young and beautiful or handsome. People have this type of affair to prove something to themselves.
The I’m Supposed To Have Affairs – These types of affairs are usually geared toward married celebrities, professional athletes, politicians, and even religious leaders, who seem to think that just because they have power, influence, fame, and fortunate they are entitled to bang whomever they want and not have to pay the consequences of their actions. Ozzy Osborne summed it up nicely in regards to infidelity, “I was drinking, using drugs; I was a rock 'n' roll star and I thought that gave me a license to be an a--hole to some degree," he says. For years I acted like a married bachelor, sneaking around," he writes in his book, I Am Ozzy.
The I Made A Mistake Affair- All marriages go through their ups and down, highs and lows, good and bad. Between the stress from work, family obligations, children, school, health and financial issues, and community service it’s easy to start feeling resentful, restless, unhappy and disconnected from your spouse. It’s at these times when people give much thought to their marriage and start to wonder did they make a mistake. Many times if people feel they’ve made a mistake by getting married the best way they think to fix it is to have an affair.
True Love & Respect
How do you know if you’re doing right by loving, respecting and honoring
your mate or spouse? Your actions should be the same whether your significant other is present or not. Guys if you see a beautiful, bodacious woman walk pass, your eyes shouldn’t pop out of your head and you shouldn’t break your neck to catch a glimpse because you wouldn’t do that if your wife was by your side. And if you would do this action then your wife needs to drop your butt like a hot potato.
Now you guys might say, “I’m not dead. I should be able to look, but just don’t touch.” Look, but don’t look. Meaning, yes, the woman is pretty and attractive. You saw her coming your way. You already had an eye full. Eyes popping, head turning, laughing with your buddies about what you would like to do to that woman sexually is nothing but lust and disrespectful to your wife.
A prime example of true love and respect is the talk between Billy Crystal’s character, Mitch, and Bruno Kirby’s character, Ed, in the
Surprisingly, according to menstuff.org, 90 percent of Americans believe adultery is morally wrong.