After listening to two new voicemail messages from my best friend, J, I finally picked up the phone and called her back. She answered at the first ring and asked me where I had been for the last four days. After a moment, I told her I was with M and could instantly sense her eyes rolling. “Faith, why are you wasting your time?” she asked, barely hiding her disapproval. With some annoyance, I quickly changed the subject to avoid hearing her lecture of worry regarding my unorthodox my romantic/sexual arrangement with M. Although I appreciated her concern, my decision to be in this relationship was something she would never understand.
On one winter evening, M and I met in a bar and hit it off. He was good looking, but I was really attracted to his ability to tell a story, make me laugh and could dance. (Best of all, at the end of the night, he exercised great patience when I forgot where I parked my car and kept me company in the freezing cold until I located the right parking garage). This pleasant meeting led to a series of phone conversations that started as mild flirting and quickly progressed to verbal foreplay. When we met again two weeks later, we skipped the small talk and headed straight to his bedroom.
Now, I am very selective when it comes to my romantic entanglements and not the type ‘sleep around.’ Therefore, I do not find myself in these situations that often, but am pragmatic when I do. This means I focus on enjoying the moment and not to expect anything. I took this experience as a token one-night stand and did not expect to hear or see M again. Therefore, I was shocked when M called a few days later and invited me over again.
Now, it seems many women would hope or convince themselves that this type of arrangement would lead to a full-fledged relationship. I avoided entertaining fantasy at all costs because I knew it was impossible. During our first conversation on the phone, M made it very clear about what he could offer me: a short-term relationship consisting of sex and friendship. Since his previous relationship of five years had just ended months before, M only wanted a rebound.
Appreciating his honesty, I took a few days to think it over and decided to continue seeing him. Now, you are probably wondering why I would settle for such a non-ideal situation (as J and many of my other friends did). First, my choice was not based upon feelings of low-self esteem or an inferiority complex. My mental health was sound. It was actually very simple: I had been single and dating for a long time. Although I enjoyed my life, I had not met anyone worthwhile and was lonely. I missed companionship and sex. I looked at M’s offer a pleasant oasis from the madness of dating life. My sensible reasoning figured I would continue this arrangement until I became attached or it became unhealthy. To maintain this mindset, I made provisions: I would come to see him no more than once a week, and would not introduce him to any of my friends or family (Although, he did offer to travel to see me or meet close people in my life). It seemed easier to keep my world separate from M. I also asked him never to tell me about any of his other liaisons and, always insisted on taking the proper precautions in the bedroom.
Now, this is normally the point in the story where everything quickly goes wrong. In my case, this could not be further from the truth. M and my arrangement worked out well and longer than we expected. We genuinely enjoyed each others’ company. We could talk about anything and laughed easily with each other. I felt like I could completely be myself around him. He, in turn, liked me because I was positive, independent and let him be himself. Beyond spending time in his flat, we also ventured out to walk around the city, visit museums and go to dinner.
