So here is my confession … I am completely in love with my best friend. Other than the fact that she is my best friend, there are other serious issues ... One being that she is with a long-time boyfriend … and I have a serious girlfriend. Don’t get me wrong, I love my girlfriend, very, very much. And for a long time, she was all I have ever wanted, but recently we have run into some seriously huge problems. Ok, I guess not just recently, but she will not tell her parents, or anyone, for that matter that we are together. (FYI, I’m bisexual.) That has been our one fight, and it’s a big one. But that’s a different story …
About my best friend, she has always been the one who has always just had a special place in my heart. I never really felt about her this way, honest. I mean, yeah, I for sure though that she was amazingly beautiful, but never thought anything of it. Until October, a few months after her boyfriend went out of the country to work, she asked me to kiss her. I laughed it off, thinking that it was just drunk talk. She assured me she wasn’t drunk, and has actually been thinking about it since I came out to her.
So I pulled the truck over, and made the biggest, but best, mistake of my life.. I kissed her … And it was AMAZING! It didn’t feel weird to me at all, like I thought it would, and it was not awkward at all, almost like we have been doing this forever. It was almost like a scene from one of those cheesy movies, I’m sure if I wasn’t sitting down my foot would have “popped.” Once we finished kissing, I actually had to catch my breath, we complemented one another on our great kissing skills, and just kept driving. We pulled over again, and made out a few more times, until we figured we should stop until things got out of hand, and our friends begin to wonder where the hell we were.
After a few hours hanging out with everyone, I drove her home and ended up laying with her in bed reading Shakespeare to her, until she fell asleep. I am going to be blunt about this, I DO NOT do that ever. I usually have one thing on my mind … sex.
I didn’t think much of it, until I started thinking about just how much I wanted her, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized, that she is the one I dream about … You know that subconscious dream guy or girl that you can’t wait to meet. I knew it was wrong on so many levels, we both agreed that if it were to make out again, that would be all we would do.
We have made out a lot, and every time, it gets even more intense.. I do not trust myself to be alone with her anymore, because I cannot control myself around her. I feel horrible that I have done this to my girlfriend, and her boyfriend, because they don’t deserve this at all, but I want to be with her so bad.
Sometimes I think she may just want it to, we were chatting one day and I made an off the cuff comment about how I wished she were gay so we could date. I was shocked when she said “you never know, things change all the time” ... and would not elaborate. Sometimes I am pretty sure she is just using me, for lack of a better word because she isn’t getting any. But then I go back to our first kiss, there HAD to have been something there! Or am I just crazy...?
