As a ’70s child born on Long Island, I grew up high on Billy Joel, fantasizing for the longest time about one day becoming the “uptown girl” he’d be singing about. At bedtime, my mother told me tales of having been his groupie of sorts—she and her Catholic high school girlfriends drooling at private performances in his garage before he became a musical god among men. With reverence for “Billy” in her voice, I could do nothing but accept each lyric he uttered as truth. So when my portable red tape deck blasted, “Honesty is such a lonely word,” I took note.
In those elementary years, it was the foreboding combination of my mother’s scolding pointer finger and the gleam of my father’s silver belt buckle that first exposed me to the adage “honesty is the best policy.” Thus I also internalized this lesson: it’s important to be honest—not because it actually feels good to be honest, but through honesty I might or might not escape from unspeakable pain. And so this childhood fear deprived me the experience of learning how indescribably good it feels to be honest with people—no matter how much the truth might sting.
In adulthood, I’ve come to realize that when human beings feel “stung” by a certain truth, it’s just an emotional reaction. And when we really look into the nature of that emotion, the anger elicited is just an energy field moving through our awareness and it always passes. Yet if as children we faced dire consequences as a result of some innocent action—when our word on “what happened” would determine to belt or not to belt, and the honest answer would lead to a beating but a lie would liberate us—is it any wonder human beings learn to lie and that lying can serve their highest good?
Behavioral conditioning of this caliber is carried forward into all aspects of our lives—yet in no other area does this root habituation resurface so fiercely for conscious review as in our intimate relationships. All human beings possess an innate sensitivity to know when we’re being lied to, though over the course of our lives, this sensitivity may have been dulled through substance abuse, work addiction, too much television, fluorescent lights, and computer use, etc. Yet this sensitivity is present and as long as a person has the intention to live from truth, their truth sensors are destined to be reawakened.
When you reach a critical mass, where you become sick of lies and consciously choose to live a harmonious existence, whether in an intimate relationship or not—you will notice the dynamics of your relationships immediately shifting as divine grace deals you an opportunity to become honest with people in areas you previously were not. If not in partnership when this surrender occurs, you will no doubt attract clear-cut opportunities to be truthful and otherwise vulnerable in ways you never dreamed of. And no matter which category you fall into, you’ll discover that only your completely honest relationships last, or at the very least yield happiness.
