It must be one of the top ten questions burning in the hearts of human beings throughout time: “How can I know for sure if I’m compatible with my partner?” So unrelenting has this inquiry been that it frequently woke me up at night for years preceding my divorce. Only with the smack of the judge’s gavel did my heart finally resign to that fact that I had no clue what compatibility meant.
In light of subsequent relationships and teaching the tantric art of creative loving, I’ve harvested compelling insights in response to this ancient conundrum. While we’re about to embark on two entertaining and relatively reliable ways to gauge compatibility, the third and fail-safe answer is ultimately one that only you can know for sure. In order for these to work, you must be honest with yourself, and all of the data must flow through your own direct experience.
Before we look at this three-part compatibility survey, let’s explore some traditional factors and why they don’t add up. Have you noticed that often people base their compatibility on whether they argue or fight? Or whether there’s physical violence or verbal abuse in the relationship? Although indicative, these factors are not definitive, because for one committed to spiritual awakening, these destructive behaviors can merely reflect our own “need to be right,” which our partner is simply mirroring back to us. You do not need to do anything about these conditioned patterns—in fact, you cannot change them if you try. (Note: This is not to suggest staying in a stagnant or violent relationship.) Just that being aware of these tendencies, that is to say conscious, elevates the vibration of “old” thoughts, transforming them into loving ones.
Now for the factors that most accurately indicate intimate human relativity. If they shock you, revel in the surprise—for they are significant in bringing you beyond the visual attraction most people depend on above their primal instincts.
The first is (drum roll, please): musical tastes. Why? Because the music one enjoys reflects the vibrational relativity of their mind, which incidentally molds one’s physical environment and shapes their universe. For example, as I was decimating my parents’ Bee Gees album on my mini pink phonograph in New York, my partner was tearing up the disco floors in South Florida—and despite apparent variance in time and space, our musical appetites bordered on identical when we met two decades later, and he is thirteen years older than I.
