- Lingerie: If it looks like something Steven Tyler would wear on stage, it’s not going to make me feel sexy—it’s going to make me feel like Steven Tyler.
- Humor is an aphrodisiac.
- Shower sex is way better in theory than in reality, where gravity, sharp edges, and hard surfaces actually exist.
- Sexy men’s underwear is an oxymoron to me. No matter what brand or color you buy. Sorry.
- We can’t have sex every time Al Green or Marvin Gaye comes on the radio or your iPod; it’s not logistically feasible.
- Dirty talk needs to start with you, because if it starts with it’ll just sound like Tourette’s or like something out of the mouth of Steve Carell in 40-Year-Old Virgin: “Feel My Bags of Sand! Baby!” Either way it’ll kill the mood.
- Verbal repartee is an aphrodisiac.
- Despite what you think, buying me clothing that is three sizes too small does not equal sexy. It equals poor blood circulation.
- I do not have acrobatic flexibility or strength as I have never trained with Cirque du Soliel. Please keep this in mind when introducing new “fun” twists in the bedroom.
- Our trust level directly affects my sexual attraction to you. It’s a girl thing. Keep that in mind next time you are inclined to do something really, really dumb.
- Honey, Jello, and edible underwear do not sound like fun. They sound like a trip to the department store for new set of sheets.
- Your body odor is sexier than Axe body spray, and pretty much all other preteen body products available at Walgreen’s.
- Contrary to their intended effect, bulging muscles, unbuttoned top buttons, fake tans, and gelled hair completely annihilate my sex drive. Quiet confidence, worn-in T-shirts, mussed hair, and a touch of awkwardness turn me on. In other words: relax. You’re always the sexiest guy in the room from where I’m looking.
