As I stare at this blank form, I really don’t know how to start. I know I have a problem. I’ve always known that I love to be loved, but my problem is that no matter who I’m with, I will cheat on them—easily. I’ve cheated on every boyfriend I’ve had since I was twenty. I’ve even had an online fling with someone while I was married. After I meet someone, I will be completely in love and give them my heart, but after a while I get bored and will want someone new. Maybe it’s because I don’t like to be tied down. Right now I’m seeing two people. They don’t know about each other. It’s very easy for me to give out my number and to check out guys on the street. I’ll flirt and bat my pretty eyes, even though I’ll have a boyfriend. I think the reason is because I lost the guy who I thought was “the one.” After him, I’ve never met someone who was even close to how he was.
I Can’t Be Faithful and I Don’t Know Why
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Oops! That's "Sex at Dawn - the Prehistoric Origins of Human Sexuality"
Run, do not walk, to the bookstore (or Amazon) and get a copy of "Sex at Dawn - The Prehistoric Origins of Human Relationships". The authors theorize that the strict monogamy rules of our culture are not right or healthy for everyone (obviously they work for some people, just not everyone). Then go Google "Savage Love" the advice column by Dan Savage and he'll tell you that as long as you are honest with yourself and your partners about your aversion to monogamy, you can create a relationship that includes a strong primary relationship as well as occasional/frequent romps with others. It's about HONESTY, not monogamy. But first you have to be honest with yourself about what YOU really want. Then go for it.
I feel like I'm going to be you in the years to come (and please, don't take that the wrong way.) I'm 24, I've had the same on and off boyfriend for the last 6 years. We've lived together, broken up, cheated on each other, and been so madly in love with each other. But the entire time I've been with him I've been so madly in love with another guy. And I always give into him (the other guy, let just call him Matt) He can text me out of the blue and I am all his. I always will be. I love my boyfriend, and I have no doubt I will marry him. But I know deep down in my heart if 'Matt' were to call me and ask me to run away with him and not look back, I would. I'm still and always will be holding on to the one that got away. And that scares me.
I'm sorry to come off judgemental, but all I ever wanted was to have a relationship again, and for you to take advantage of other peoples hearts and feelings like that sounds exactly like the men I keep running into. I believe the secret to a life is love love love and I am on a pilgrimage trying to get to that point without having to "give it up" just to make them stick around for a little while. Let's just say you are not boyfriend hopping you are just bed hopping period and that is that.....do yourself a favor and find yourself first before you find someone new...
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