I decided to hold off on sex for a while because I wanted to know what else there was to a relationship. A couple of months later, I was asked a question. Was I ready to love someone again? At first I said I don’t know. Then about three weeks later in a conversation with this same man, I told him yes, I was ready to love someone again.
Years before, I was in love with my children’s father. I didn’t really understand the whole thing about love until we broke up. I was heartbroken 100 percent because we had two children and I did everything. I cooked, cleaned, washed his clothes, stayed faithful, and gave up a lifestyle where money ruled everything and I was happy. We did love each other, but when I didn’t want to abort my now son, he stopped loving me, and in December of 2001 we broke up. During the pregnancy he was cheating on me. There were weekends where he was gone and he would come home on Monday, get dressed for work, and leave for days and then the same thing. He left us with nothing so I made the decision to never open my heart to no other man. I really loved him but he stopped loving me.
Then, years later, I moved into a house. He wanted to work it out and I said okay, but then I realized all he wanted to work out was his problem. He wasn’t having sex. I realized it and I had to end it for good. I did and I was free of the emotion for good. Then I decided to throw myself into work, school, and my children. I had a full schedule with Sundays off. I was okay. The winter came and my brother and his family moved in. They destroyed the house. They broke my washer, dryer, and refrigerator and his kids were stealing from my kids. I was on my way home from work and my daughter called me crying. He choked my son. I was upset. I confronted him and he denied it. My mom took his side and I wanted to really hurt him because he choked my son and my son is small. My son was born a small fragile baby and I was on bed rest with him at three months. He was a sick baby. I told my brother if he ever put his hands on my son again I would hurt him and I meant it. At the same time, I was in a really bad relationship with this man who thought he could beat me anytime he wanted. I fought back with all I had in me because this man told me he would kill me one night after drinking and doing lines of cocaine. I had enough. I lost all respect for men. I hated men and I didn’t want to be bothered with them. It went as far as to me thinking about finding a girlfriend and me being a lesbian.
So here comes spring 2010 when I met him. He was on my block, he claims, for four years and he always saw me coming from work. I talked to him for one day, and a couple of weeks later he asked me on a date. I said yes and that was that. From that point we began a relationship. And I decided to bring my kids in because he was in my eyes a good man. He was my relief from all the bad men. I decided to not have sex with this man because I wanted to see how long this one would claim to like me and want to continue a relationship. Four months passed and we kissed. Just a peck on the lips. Two more months went by and we had sex for the first time. It was horrible. I was ready and he couldn’t get up at all. I let it go by. I didn’t approach him for sex. Now it has been almost thirteen months in to this and we are pretty solid only I don’t want to have sex with him because he can’t get up. I don’t bother him. I stop spending the night and cut down on the time I am down his house.
