So, how to begin? I’ve been in a relationship for three years and two-and-a-half months—my first properly solid relationship.
After our first year, all of a sudden, I was drunk in a club talking to an acquaintance and then we were connecting in other ways on my couch while my partner slept, upstairs.
This happened three or four more times within three months. However, I demanded loyalty one drunken night from this guy and (rightly so) he was like, “What is going on? I came here for fun, not this bulls--t,” so he upped and left.
My actual partner and I went on a long haul vacation; we had fun, although I still felt odd not knowing for sure if I should be with him. However the strength, confidence, and happy family home I have with him nagged at me.
Making me wonder for two years over this ridiculous attraction of mine. I have been with that guy one time last year, four times this year. I even texted him last night to see if he was free tonight. The guy is the best physical connection I have ever experienced. It’s like being addicted to smokes—you know it is bad for you, but you still do it.
I should explain that the absolutely amazing sex I had with him indicates he’s very experienced. I can confirm that and I also know he swings and has sex with at least two people a week. He is a male slut. I don’t know what to do. I don’t love this guy; I crave him. I do not understand why. He is not a nice person, most of the time, not polite, doesn’t contact me, I did all the running, which suits him—a very simple type of guy. He reminds me of an 80s gigolo, I do know he was a paid escort in the city.
I think I love my partner. However, this love forever after is hard to believe in a waffle of soppy, unbelievable rubbish. Love is easy; maintaining it is a full-time job.
I know I am putting this out there to be shot down and hassled but I don’t know what to do ... I love and care for my partner, but the sex is a four out of ten. Our drive is different. I feel awful half the time, wondering if I am wasting his life with me. This constant not-knowing has dragged at me for two years and I am still lost. Any advice or criticism is welcome.
Thank you!
