Myth 1: Soul mate relationships should be easy.
Relationships are not always easy. Why is it that we can spend so much time at work each and every day to bring home a paycheck yet we barely give our relationship a second thought? We expect it to run smoothly on its own without any maintenance, without any glitches, and without any problems. How silly is that?
All relationships take time, energy, work, commitment, and determination. If you want a wonderful soul mate relationship then you may need to make some sacrifices in other areas. Perhaps you’ll have to work less overtime, spend more time with your partner, work on communication, plan more things together, and compromise.
Think of a relationship like a garden. By following the suggestions in this book you’ll plant the seeds. Working on yourself and your soul mate-attracting skills is the soil. Once you find your true love you begin watering this garden and are careful to pull up any weeds that sprout. But over time what happens? You get used to being in the relationship and you stop watering it and neglect the weeds. What do you think will happen then? The garden will die. Instead, if you carefully tend to your “love garden” you’ll be rewarded with a relationship that blossoms and grows bigger over time.
Myth 2: Soul mates don’t have conflict.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Any relationship without conflict is a relationship between two dead people. You’re human, he’s human, and you have different personalities, stress factors, and everything else tossed into the mix. How could you not have conflict sometimes? The key is how well you handle this.
I’ve had couples come to me who are certain they’re soul mates and the beginning of their relationship was filled with joy, peace, passion and not a single argument. Then one day something shifts and someone gets ticked off or hurt and conflict makes its first appearance. That doesn’t mean things are doomed, it means you’re normal.
Conflict can be healthy because it forces a couple to look at their differences and understand each other’s perspective. It makes you look inside yourself, to acknowledge and examine your own core values and beliefs, and learn to appreciate that your partner has his own. Consider this a valuable opportunity to communicate and grow stronger as a couple.
Myth 3: Soul mates are always romantic.
Real life is seldom like romantic movies or novels. While it’s true that in the beginning of relationships our hormones are in frenzy so the passion and romance is usually high, those chemicals soon wane and we’re left with true love . . . or true disappointment.
Also, we shouldn’t compare real life romance with what we see on the screen or read in magazines or books. When you think about it, what is romance, really? Candy and jewelry and flowers? Those are just materialistic things. Each person expresses romance in different ways. Using my relationship as an example, Mike isn’t the most romantic guy if you go by what Cosmo or novels label as real romance. Instead of feeling hurt or irked about his nonromantic ways, I pay attention to other things he does. He always opens doors for me, compliments me, pays for vacations, won’t let me help bring in the groceries if it’s raining, cooks dinner a few nights week, does dishes and laundry, sends an “I miss you” greeting card if he’s out of town, etc. Not once have I ever gotten flowers or jewelry, that’s not his romance style, but I’ve grown to love his style and find it incredibly romantic.
The lesson here is to not force a man to comply with your idea of romance. You can meet in the middle and also pay attention to his personal romance style. This one tip alone could mean the difference between falling (or staying) in love or constantly being disappointed.
