You might have heard somebody tell you recently: “Don’t shoot the messenger.” The sentence has become kind of a catch phrase, but what does it really mean?
In short, it means that you shouldn’t react. That when something is “triggering” you, upsetting you, you shouldn’t act out or lose it.
This is easier said than done (as we all know)!
This article will take a look at how you can stop yourself from reacting, and how you can create more peace in your life. (Stop shooting the messenger.)
It all has to do with your response-ability
It all has to do with your response-ability.
Generally, when you hear the word responsibility, you probably think it means a heavy burden, doing things right, the way society expects you to act, etc. This is not what I am referring to. When looking at the word response-ability itself, you can notice that it simply means that you are able to respond.
Response-Ability, meaning your ability to respond.
You are probably asking, “Respond to what?” That’s a very good question. The answer is: responding to life.
Let’s explore more deeply what it means to be able to respond. For example, does it mean you are able to respond, or answer, a question when asked? You might think so, if you take the word literally. However, that’s not what I mean. What I do mean is that you are able to be non-reactive when something or somebody comes towards you, when things seem to “just happen” to you. As long as you are trapped by feelings of unworthiness due to early sexual trauma, your life may feel like it is “just” happening to you. Your boyfriend “just” treats you bad. Your friends are “just” unreliable. Your family “just” doesn’t care. Whatever it might be, it seems that others are the ones that are causing a lot of pain for you. This state of mind I call “victim mentality.” You feel like a victim, because you have been a victim early on, and that’s just how you know life.
You probably have heard it said that you are the creator of your own life, your own circumstances. Yet it may seem like a foreign concept to you, otherwise why would you voluntarily attract so much shit to yourselves if it were true?
Nobody would want that right? Nevertheless, I am daring to say you do. If this doesn’t apply to you, please forgive me for thinking it does. Certainly, I find that it sometimes still applies to me. Being in victim mentality is a sign that you are not yet able to be response-able to life. You are unable to respond to life other then as a victim. I know I am being a little blunt here, but “sugar coating” will not help you. I needed somebody to be blunt with me, because all I was doing was thinking “poor me” all the time. The problem is that this “poor me” thinking creates new drama, trauma and unhappiness. I think you know what I am talking about.
Response–ability means that you are able to pause, reflect and get clear on what’s best for you and for everybody involved. Being response-able means that you are able to make a choice out of love, rather than out of fear or old programming. It means you are able to stop the drama. In other words, when you are reactive your heart is closing down. When your heart is closed down, you can’t feel love. A closed heart causes you to do unloving things. Then, guess what? Other people do unloving things back. If you react a lot, you are in a state of closed heart a lot. This is the pain that you are feeling right now. That is the cause for your lack of feeling love and intimacy. Chances are if it hurts you, it hurts somebody else, too.
