I read a Washington Post article this morning titled “FourThings You Do That Kill Her Sex Drive.” Of course, the title peeked my interest, as I wanted to verify that this author had pinpointed the four things my husband has done to completely erase my sex drive so I could make my husband read it and say, “see there, it is your fault!”.
This article must have been written by a man. It completely missed the mark. The author did have some good ideas, but the comments did not completely support why these things completely turns a woman off. Plus, the author must have only interviewed non-married, kid-less women. Let’s face it, you add marriage and a kid to the mix and that takes one’s sex life (of lack thereof) to a whole new level.
1. Ignore her appearance. Whereas, it is nice to be complimented, especially if you have a new hair color or style; working moms are just not that vain. A true compliment would be about the appearance of the house, “Oh, Honey, it is so nice to be able to walk through the living room without stepping on a sharp Lego. Thank you.” The real title should have been Suggesting ways to improve her appearance. Let’s face it, that last thing I want to hear from my wonderful supportive husband who is slouched on the couch with remote in hand as I move about the house washing dishes, cleaning up after the kids, stopping Stay Puff Marshmallow Man from biting Spiderman, laundry, vacuuming, you get the point, is to hear him say, “you know if you worked out you wouldn’t be so stressed and maybe those pants wouldn’t fit so tightly”.
2. Putting her under pressure. The author suggested that if you put your partner under pressure to have an orgasm, it’s just not going to happen. I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume I’m not the only busy working mom out there. If I’m going to concede to having sex because I feel guilty that I’ve held out for two months, I’m doing just that: conceding. I’m not looking for any satisfaction. No offense. It’s just plain and simple. After having three kids fight over who gets to sit on my lap all day, or hang over my shoulder as I do anything, the last thing I want is for one more person to need my body for their purpose.
3. Use porn as a benchmark. I have to admit I am completely inexperienced with this as I do feel one should watch porn- period. However, I will say, using any type of media as a benchmark is just plain stupid. I should not have to explain this. It’s a movie or a book- not real life. Did you ever wonder why movies and books end when the couple decides to stay together forever? Because real life set in, that’s why! You wake up next to the same person day in, day out. Same routine. Same breakfast. Same dinners. I don’t think even the best screen writer could make this seem exciting. Grow up. Get it out of your head that anything in the movies is anywhere close to being real.
4. Leaving her lips hanging. I’m going to put that back with number two. If you’re not kissing her, then you’ve resorted to using her body for your own purpose. Seek counseling. Instead I’d like to suggest my own thing you do that kills her sex drive: Continue to loudly excrete foulness from your buttock and laugh about it. Past the age of ten, maybe twelve in some cultures, this is no longer funny. Sorry, men, but it is in fact a turn off.
