Fellatio. Let’s not beat around the bush, ladies—our men love it, want it, and fantasize about it regularly. The problem: many women I know want to pleasure their men, but can’t stomach the thought of swallowing. However, the last time I checked, all these women absolutely love to be on the receiving end of a little tongue action down there. So what’s a girl to do? For the love of pleasure, reciprocation, and good sex, I thought I’d share some ways to make it easy to blow without the blow.
Use your hands. Your mouth and tongue don’t have to do all the work. Use your tongue and lips to spread saliva up and down his shaft to lube it up for your hands. Then, while you French-kiss his member, you can also stroke him with your hands and occasionally run your index finger over the head of his penis, the same way you might use your tongue. Pay attention to his breathing and physical cues to determine when he is about to come, then allow your hands to seamlessly take over where your mouth was, and let him come in the palm of your hand instead. Keep your mouth and face close to his erection; the wet and warm sensation is important. Whatever you do, don’t stop the motion with your hands! Coming in your mouth is less important than continuing the stimulation up until the critical moment.
Get a facial. Have you ever watched porn with your lover? You’ll notice that nine times out of ten, the hot action ends in a face shot—when the dude ejaculates on her face. For a lot of men, this is HOT. Continue to use your hands, but instead of using your hand to prevent him from ejaculating in your mouth, keep your hands going and let him release on your face. Note: if you have watched porn flicks and are horrified by the amount of dew in his spew, don’t be alarmed. Rumor has that most of these stunt men take serious zinc supplements to boost their output, so this doesn’t reflect what you might expect from your partner.
Lube your boobs. Don’t want to use your mouth? Use your breasts! Get some fabulous lubricant (I recommend Pjur BodyGlide) and juice up your cleavage. Then use your hands and breasts to surround him with some luscious bosom action. He’ll likely take great pleasure writhing in your succulence, and won’t even miss your mouth.
Go under cover. A professional sex worker once told me about a trick she perfected with a condom. She mastered a way to go down on a man and slip on a condom while she was doing it without him noticing. This one may take some practice, but may be well worth some extra time spent with a cucumber. Have a pre-lubed condom ready. Make sure that your hands are lubed as well so that you can glide one hand easily up and down his cock while you use the other to hold the condom between your thumb and forefinger to slip over the head of his penis. All the while, have your mouth over your hands, and as you slip the condom on, keep your mouth right on top. The idea of keeping extra lube on the inside of the condom will help keep things ideally wet and slippery for maximum pleasure. Also, make sure the lubricant is warmed up to body temperature! Don’t shock him with cool lubricant. Time your strokes with gently lowering the condom onto his shaft, which will minimize any distracting sensation of applying a condom. Finally, go for extra wide or extra large sizes to make it easier to slip on while going down on him.
It’s okay to spit. If you’re concerned less about having him climax in your mouth and more about what to do with it after the fact, don’t sweat it, spit it. You can be creative and keep a discreet spittoon handy. (A girlfriend once confessed that she “fertilized” the potted plant by the bed on occasion.) A tissue works just as well. Some women I know share the concern that spitting may send the wrong message to their man. I think the pleasure of coming in your mouth will overrule any negative feelings that may result from not swallowing. However, when it comes to intimacy in the bedroom, I think the most important thing is not to take our lovers’ feelings lightly, but to be respectful of any sensitivities. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him—be subtle about it and everyone wins.
Try catch and release. Similar to spitting, here’s another way to take it in, then let it go. The main thing to keep in mind is that you want to make sure and work up a fair amount of saliva in your mouth. At his peak moment, make sure that the tip of his penis is either in your cheek or under your tongue. You won’t experience the taste because his semen avoids your taste buds. The extra saliva also helps dilute his ejaculate so that you create your own semi-protective film between his body fluid and yours. Then, as he’s coming, allow your lips to loosen so that the love juice works its way naturally out of your mouth, slipping and sliding down his shaft. All good.
Give him hot licks on the side. Yet another variation of using your mouth and hands, but avoiding the sticky stuff—suckle his frenulum. Specifically, the area directly underneath his glans. This area is extremely responsive to light and soft stimulation. Put your sweet kisses here, continue stimulating with your hands as well, and aim his rocket toward his belly. Chances are he won’t even notice he’s not coming in your mouth.
Keep a chaser handy. I’m talking whiskey. Swirl a bit in your mouth before going down on your man—that tingling warm sensation on your tongue is magnified on your man’s sensitive skin, and can be a massive pleasure booster. When you bring him to orgasm, you’ve got a couple choices: you’ve got an instant antiseptic to quell any gag effect and you’ve got your discreet spittoon if you need one. Don’t drink? No worries, try Chloraseptic throat spray or Mentos. Same tingly freshness.
Skip the swallow; go for the gullet. Okay, admittedly, this is a bonus round for women whose biggest issue with swallowing might be a psychological one. I’m talking deep throating here. If you time it right, your throat will soften enough to let the head of his penis just past your uvula. Your natural inclination toward gulping motions will massage his corona in a way that’s bound to bring him immense and immediate pleasure. The best part: any emissions from your man go straight down your throat without passing over your taste buds. Tips to make it easier: try bourbon, Chloraseptic, or even rinsing your mouth with children’s teething gel to numb the back of your throat. It will decrease your gag reflex, and allow you to relax and enjoy pleasing your lover.
Be enthusiastic! Attitude is nine-tenths of the law. If you make your partner feel like you want to do nothing more than please him, and that you enjoy nothing more than making him feel fantastic, you will naturally succeed in giving a better blow job—and making him think you are the world’s greatest lover. If you project any feelings of discomfort, disinterest, displeasure, or repulsion—forget about it. Psych yourself up if you have to. It’s okay to do a little acting if you have to. In the end, you might learn to love it in ways you never expected to. Loosen up, be creative, and have FUN with him!
Some things go without saying, but are still worth repeating—be safe with your partner. Get tested for STDs, stay informed, and communicate! I absolutely advocate safe sex, and above all, please don’t practice any of these ideas without being fully aware of your and your partner’s sexual health.
Got more ideas? I’d love to hear them. I’m always wanting to spread the love with my sisters. Peace and good loving to all of you.