I will state this right from the start: I am a fan of porn.
I like watching it. I don’t think it’s degrading to women or men or animals or inanimate objects. I believe adults have the right to watch it or not, and I don’t want anyone telling me that I can’t or shouldn’t or that I’m sick or perverted for liking it or watching it. I don’t mind if my lover watches it; I’ll watch it with him.
I know I’m not alone in this—!—but I am getting the feeling (well, I’m reading lots of comments on blogs) that porn is the root of all that’s wrong in relationships. And they are getting validation from people like Dr. Phil, whose Web site states:
It is not OK behavior. It is a perverse and ridiculous intrusion into your relationship. It is an insult, it is disloyal and it is cheating.
Clearly something is ridiculous and perverse, but it’s not porn.
A lot of women feel very conflicted about porn, and that conflict manifests itself in some interesting ways:
- Some women think it’s cheating if their husband or boyfriend watches porn.
- Some women are jealous because, thinking they could never have the “perfect” bodies of the porn stars, they feel they are constantly being compared with that perfection.
- Some women believe that they can’t satisfy their partner like a porn star could, or that somehow they are expected to act like a porn star.
- Some women are horrified to suddenly discover porn on their partner’s computer.
- Some women think that it’s disrespectful to them if their partner likes to look at porn.
- Some women think that there’s something wrong with them, and that’s why their partner watches porn.
- Some women know their boyfriends watch porn before they get married, but they marry him anyway and then they wonder—why is he still watching porn?
To all of that I say, porn is not the problem. Just because someone likes looking at naked bodies exchanging bodily fluids does not make him a pervert, disrespectful, an infidel, disinterested in his lover or dissatisfied with his lover. It makes him human. It’s about fantasy, imagination, desire, lust. And what, please tell me, is wrong with that? Most men (women, too) can separate fantasy from reality. Do you think Jenna Jameson is going to fly off the screen and do to him what she’s doing onscreen? Not a chance, and he doesn’t think so, either. And if you believe he thinks so ... either you’re sorely underestimating his intelligence or you need to ask yourself, what in the world is a smart gal like you doing with a fool like him?
