If you truly believe that you can’t compete with a porn star, do you just stop at that or do you ask yourself, what can I do to make sex more exciting for me and my partner; how can I increase my pleasure and his?
If you’re the kind of woman who thinks your partner’s watching porn because there’s something wrong with you, do you also think there’s something wrong with your cooking if he likes to eat out or that there’s something wrong with your DVD/TV set-up if he likes to go to the movies or that there’s something wrong with your driving if he wants to drive? Is it always about you?
If you’re so in love with him that you want to marry him and spend the rest of your life together and you don’t like porn, have you had an honest conversation with him about that? If he says he likes it, would you marry him anyway knowing that this is something you find distasteful and disrespectful?
The problem, of course, isn’t porn itself. If something, anything, is done in secret, in excess, if it’s somehow compromising the relationship, well, then there’s a problem—just as if you were dealing with alcohol or drugs or gambling or even a golf addiction. If anything involves deception and you can’t talk about it openly and honestly and it’s reducing intimacy in the relationship instead of enhancing it (and porn can enhance it), it’s just like any other addiction. (And all addicts have enablers and co-dependents, and if your man is spending hours and hours in front of the computer or TV jacking off to Reign of Tera, you might want to look into whatever role—however small—you might be playing in that).
But you guys don’t get off the hook, because many of you (from what I read and hear) are spending way more time in some sort of fantasyland instead of the real world of flesh and lips and touch and smell. If you’re really giving all that up to watch instead of experience, why aren’t you working on making your real-life sex wonderful and exciting?
So, I will ask the men this, so beautifully put by columnist Mark Morford last year (he was talking about online porn viewing at work, but it’s the same for your porn habits in general):
“... If you have that much to hide, if you are living some sort of secret and embarrassing and family-endangering double life, if you are constantly burying images and hiding data or altering your persona to the point of endangering your work, if you cannot let someone, say, cruise through your personal sex-toy box without massive blushing and fainting and humiliation, perhaps you’re living the wrong kind of life. You think?”
Not that I have any opinion about it or anything ...
Photo Source: darkphoto on flickr (cc)
