And, quite honestly, look at all the nudity in the movies and on cable TV—is Tell Me You Love Me any less pornographic because it has a plot line?
If you truly believe your lover is expecting you to look or act like a porn star, do you ask him if that’s so? And if you don’t think he’ll tell you the truth, or if he tells you the truth but you still don’t believe him, well, what’s that about?
Do you ask him, “Is there anything in that porn that you’d like us to try?”—and would you be willing to do it?
Do you ask him what is it about porn that he likes?
Or do you just tell him to stop?
If you accidentally find porn on his computer, well, were you snooping around in places you shouldn’t? If so, that’s just as dishonest as him hiding it.
When you watch porn (and you should, especially if you have some sort of judgment about it—there’s no other way to understand it), what exactly is it that you object to? Are you projecting your own insecurities or messages of shame from your childhood onto it?
If you truly believe that you can’t compete with a porn star, do you just stop at that or do you ask yourself, what can I do to make sex more exciting for me and my partner; how can I increase my pleasure and his?
If you’re the kind of woman who thinks your partner’s watching porn because there’s something wrong with you, do you also think there’s something wrong with your cooking if he likes to eat out or that there’s something wrong with your DVD/TV set-up if he likes to go to the movies or that there’s something wrong with your driving if he wants to drive? Is it always about you?
If you’re so in love with him that you want to marry him and spend the rest of your life together and you don’t like porn, have you had an honest conversation with him about that? If he says he likes it, would you marry him anyway knowing that this is something you find distasteful and disrespectful?
