Marriage counseling, therapy for depression, or relationship/life coaching is an investment in yourself and/or your marriage. It seems that no one teaches us how to be an emotionally healthy person, or how to have a healthy marriage. Some of us seek out a coach, or a mentor, and when we do, we find that we have discovered something that we never knew existed. We find that being an emotionally healthy person or having a healthy marriage is not a mysterious or elusive thing that people only talk about. It’s real and within your grasp. The time and energy you spend on yourself and your marriage is never wasted! Invest in yourself and your marriage!
Relationships can be very rewarding, and rather vexing and confusing at times. Through our discussions you will learn many tools, and how to develop and utilize these skills to achieve your goals in life, work, and love. This article deals with one very central dynamic in relationships, with an emphasis on intimate relationships. That dynamic is the relationship between intimate feelings and angry feelings. It is an artifact of our very closeness that causes us to be able to simultaneously feel closer then anyone else we know, and to fight like no one else we know. This stunning contradiction properly managed with understanding, respect, and commitment, can and should be the source of endless joy and a blissful life as husband and wife.
There is a very close relationship between warm, close, loving feelings (intimacy), which is our target, and cold, angry, distant feelings (more often then we would like, the problem). Those two feelings may seem to be, and are, in many ways polar opposites. However, they stem from almost, exactly, the same place.
Those polar opposite feelings have one thing in common, emotional vulnerability. To greatly varying degrees it permeates every interaction we have in all of our relationships. It is most prevalent and relevant to our intimate relationship, and therefore central to our discussion of relationship dynamics. That vulnerability is evident in both our loving intimate interactions and our angry hurtful moments; it is the very foundation of all our relationships. Without some level of vulnerability there is no relationship at all.
We all have vulnerabilities. We are all vulnerable because not a single one of us is perfect. It is our choice to share or make ourselves vulnerable to another person that brings about a relationship. How those vulnerabilities are managed is what determines how close a relationship will be. Because not a one of us is perfect, we all have good things about us that we are proud of and enjoy sharing with others. These vulnerabilities are ones that we feel are safe to share with a wide range of people and we do just that when we meet someone new and we are putting that best foot forward. Additionally, we all have things about us that we are not so proud of, that we would rather not remember let alone share with anyone. These things are our biggest vulnerabilities and therefore what makes us feel truly emotional vulnerable. We are typically very careful about whom we entrust this most sensitive information with. It is only those people whom we trust the most that we will share our biggest vulnerabilities with. We share these vulnerabilities, only with those people whom we wish to be closest to. We communicate them verbally and physically, in exchange for closeness, and eventually, trust and love.
In addition to emotional vulnerability, there are other kinds of vulnerability that are shared in relationships; there is intellectual vulnerability, where I share my thoughts, skills, ideas, and solutions. There is also physical vulnerability where I share of my physical self, we like that one ... Emotional vulnerability, however is the key “flavor” of vulnerability that we need to focus our attention on. This is because it is the foundational component of every relationship. Over the course of time, as we share more and more about ourselves, it is also one of the crucial things that progressively brings us closer, and closer together. Properly respected and managed, in time it bonds us together as a healthy and happy couple. In our intimate relationships our closeness/intimacy evolves through the sharing of vulnerabilities.
