When I began dating my boyfriend we would have arguments and he would threaten to leave. That would always upset me so badly. I just felt like if we are going to argue then we are going to continue to argue until we have reached an agreement. No, this really is not always the case.
Well, we ended staying with my mother for a brief period of time and when arguments arose he would still continue to threaten to leave. Being the person I am, I still ran after him thinking if I stand in front of him and tell him you are not leaving then he would not go. Wrong! So there I sat, crying because of some stupid argument and, yes, half the time they were stupid. The next argument the same thing he did the same thing and as I walked out the door to chase him my mother looked at me and said no, just let him go. That is what he wants to do anyway. Me not realizing he was just being childish and causing unnecessary arguments in order to get him way and leave at the time was his way of getting to do what he wanted. He did have other motives behind an argument the majority of the time but they were not anything to stress about and besides that I looked silly even thinking that I could stop him from leaving.
We’re living on our own now and everything I have learned from past arguments and the words of wisdom from my mother has helped tremendously because yesterday another petty argument was started and he got angry. He told me he was leaving. I just looked up and said okay. He was not gone even two minutes before calling me back. I told him to finish cooling off and once he returned home we would work things out. He did and once he got home I was cutting vegetables to make me a salad, drinking, a glass of wine, and listening to the radio. We ended up resolving everything and coming to a solution.
So, I do things like take a bath or write in my journal to calm down and he rides around. We both have different approaches but both of them work. If I just would have listened to my mother long ago and let him leave I would have saved myself lots of heartache.
I have come to the conclusion that it goes a little beyond just personal growth and me feeling like I’m “giving him his way” by letting him leave but it comes down to choosing my battles wisely and picking the right sword to fight it.
