A few months back, I was caught in a compromising position with my husband. By our daughter. She walked into our bedroom late one night, and said, “Mom, what are you doing!?”
It had been just dark enough that I think she saw two figures not exactly sleeping, and quite possibly, she might have heard a noise or two that caused her to get out of bed.
“I can’t find my sock! Go back to bed and I’ll be right in!” I yelled.
You would have thought that would have sufficed, but my daughter, ever so helpful, said, “I’ll turn on the light and help you find it.”
Her father yelled, “NO!” as I yelled, “Oh, here it is!” Our daughter went back to her room and we had successfully dodged the “walk-in-on-your-parents” bullet.
With three very in-tune kids, two who are ‘tweeners and learning about sex (and asking questions!), it’s hard (pun intended) to get the marital fire started, let alone keep it burning. Rarely do my husband and I have sex in our bed at night, like I assume most people do. It’s nearly impossible. Because I worry that one of the kids will walk in and see something horrible. And I would rather not be that stressed out by risking it, plus, I don’t want my children to go blind.
Instead of lighting candles, opening wine, and putting on romantic music in our bedroom, we’ve figured out how to keep things hot in the marriage without my having to freak out at every noise the children make while my husband and I are trying to make something of our own. If you know what I mean, and I think you do.
Here are some tried-and-true tricks that have kept our sixteen-year marriage and sex life solid through twelve years of parenting. Maybe these tricks will spark some new ideas for you.
Location, location, location: A lot of our playtime does happen behind closed doors, just not the bedroom door. It’s a lot less stressful to sneak into a closet or the bathroom for some sexy time. These are places where I’m sure the kids are not going to search for us. I am more relaxed and quite frankly, it’s also a lot more fun sneaking around!
One of us will give the knowing look and bolt for the nearest powder room or closet, where we know they won’t find us. These trysts are akin to being in high school and trying to find ways to dodge the parents when you wanted to make out with your boyfriend, not that I would have ever done anything like that in high school, I just heard from some people that that’s what they did when we were younger and trying to get some action.
The Quickie: Mostly, this occurs before or after a shower, and in the bathroom. There’s a loft area outside of our bedroom that overlooks the family room, where our kids are usually glued to the television. If I see my kids are entranced with SpongeBob or Hannah, I know we’ve got a solid uninterrupted fifteen minutes of bliss, so we go for it.
Another Quickie trick is the “Go ride your bikes in the cul-de-sac” option. Our bedroom window has a nice view of our cul-de-sac, and when the kids are outside riding, well, do I even need to say what I’m doing?
The Shelf Trick: We have a code. Yes, a sex code. I’m not sure how it began, but one afternoon I decided there was a “screw” that had come undone on the closet shelf and I needed my husband to bring up his “hammer” and help with the bolts and nuts to get it “screwed” back on correctly. So, whenever the shelf needs fixing, I simply call down to him that he needs to come on up to fix it! No one is wise to the fact that I’m actually asking for a booty call!
