One of the main reasons God invented sex was for the continued procreation of the species. That’s why it’s so much fun. But having too much fun can lead to spontaneous procreation, which is not nearly as entertaining. And that’s why humans invented birth control: to have the fun without engendering rampant overpopulation. With us so far? Good. Now, birth control has been around for eons, but that doesn’t mean that everyone is up on the facts. How savvy are you when it comes to preventing unplanned parenthood? Answer the following fecund questions and find out.
Question 1: What is the most effective form of birth control to prevent pregnancy?
a. Birth control pills, because as long as they’re taken as directed, they have a 98 percent effectiveness rate.
b. Condoms, because when you tell your partner to get one out, he loses his erection.
c. Both, because if you put them between your knees, it’s really hard to get laid.
d. Pointing and laughing the minute the guy takes his pants off is the best birth control ever.
Question 2: Is the rhythm method effective?
a. Using a calendar, taking your basal body temperature, and monitoring vaginal mucus is a lot of fuss, but if done correctly, it can be a good way for committed couples to avoid unplanned pregnancy.
b. Yes, because trying to seduce your partner with the “Bossa Nova” setting on your kid’s keyboard is a recipe for failure.
c. More so with bass players and percussionists: guitar banjo players and pianists, not so much.
d. Um, no.
Question 3: Where should I store condoms to have them ready when I want them?
a. In your wallet, where they’ll create a ring even more noticeable than a Copenhagen ring on the butt of a redneck man, thus displaying your willingness to have sex to everyone at the 7-11.
b. In your purse, down at the bottom, where the wrapper will get poked by toothpicks and coated with cracker crumbs.
c. A few in your bedstand drawer, a few in the bathroom, a few in the kitchen where you can grab them before your pre-dinner, on-the-counter bootyfests.
d. Bermuda.
Question 4: Do people still use diaphragms?
a. Yes, they’re great options for people who can’t use hormonal birth control, especially when used with spermicidal jelly.
b. No, they’re outdated and kill spontaneity.
c. Yes, as yarmulkes for their cats.
d. Mostly for deep breathing
Question 5: Will an IUD make you sterile?
a. Most women never have a problem with IUDs causing health issues.
b. Only if you yank on it with a needle-nose pliers.
c. Only if you boil or microwave yourself while wearing it.
d. Only on alternate Thursdays and when there’s a full moon.
Originally published on Sexis
