I called Susan and said, “Do you think Tiger regrets teaching her how to swing a club?” and Susan said, “He should be glad he’s not a baseball player.”
She said, “Next thing he’ll be saying is, it wasn’t about the sex.”
I said, “Did you ever notice how men never screw up? They always screw down. Somehow those mistresses always look cheap, like something out of a Five and Dime,” and Susan said I was dating myself.
I asked two men in my office how a man could cheat on a woman who looks like Elin Woods and they both said, a man would have to be a saint to resist women who throw themselves at you, when you’re on the road all the time like that. I feel their pain. Some days I feel the exact same way about a bar of chocolate, but that doesn’t mean I always eat it.
I said to Susan, “People who give into temptation to eat things they shouldn’t end up looking less attractive—a lesson I think Woods is currently learning.”
She said at least he wasn’t claiming the women were soul mates and I said if he had, Elin probably would have done more damage to his car. I said, “Did you see those photos of the back windows?” and Susan said, “I told you, he should be on his knees thanking god he’s not a baseball player.”
I said that up until now Jenny Sanford had gotten my vote as the woman who showed the most strength in her post-affair response, but now I was moving Elin to the top of the Pantheon. I said, “I refuse to criticize Elizabeth Edwards or Silda Spitzer for their post-affair responses. I don’t walk in their heels so I don’t know how I would react. But you really do have to stand back and admire a woman like Elin. She doesn’t need to hold a press conference—she’s already made quite a statement.” And Susan said, “Don’t forget, in Europe crimes of passion have historically been forgiven.
I said, “Well, all in all, 2009 has been quite a year for men having affairs—Edwards, Sanford, Letterman, Woods, Berlusconi—all those polls in that house in D.C. What do you think it portends for 2010?” and Susan said, “A lot more women will be taking golf lessons.”
