Sex and all related to it have always been an odd topic for me. As a child, I heard about sex in many different forms, but I was always the “good girl” and never discussed the issues in a personal aspect. I am a very sexual being and I love getting intimate. As a nearly thirty-year-old woman, I figure that I should have all the answers, but I don’t come close. I don’t know for sure, but I kind of figure that I am not the only one in this boat. I would love to say that I have it all figured out, but I most certainly don’t. So, how do I figure it out? Where do I get the answers to all my questions? And, first and foremost, where oh, where do I find the RIGHT answers?
I have scoured the internet, read books, watched tv shows, watched porn films, asked friends, and still I don’t have all the answers. In fact I have so many conflicting answers I am almost more confused than when my journey into my own sexuality began. I have come to the conclusion that the only way to figure it all out is trial and error. This is not the most comfortable way of gaining knowledge, but it really is the only way. I know myself well and I know that I get easily embarrassed with all this stuff. I am very uncomfortable with pointing out to my spouse when what he is doing isn’t working because I don’t have the “right” answer.
I have a very small comfort zone when it comes to intimacy. I know my husband isn’t exactly comfortable with intimacy either. We both have had events in our pasts that have contributed to our uneasiness. I know I love my husband and I know that he loves me. I have come to the conclusion that the only way I’m ever going to know something is if I ask or try different things myself. I regularly masturbate and have learned my genitals well. I have pushed myself to ask my husband questions and tried various things in the bedroom. If you know that your significant other loves you stop holding back and just ask. The worst they can do is say they aren’t into something and you move on to the next thing. You have to let go of your inhibitions to have sex in the first place right? So, let go of them all together when it comes to anything connected to it. I can’t say it will be easy but you will definitely learn a lot more about each other that no one else knows and you will become more comfortable with other things that you are nervous about in life.
My hubby and I are still “figuring things out” but we are doing it together. I still get butterflies when I’m about to bring up stuff that is uncharted territory, but like a vacation, you can’t know if you like it until you have visited it at least once. If a question or idea comes to your mind, go ahead and try it or ask it before you have time to be worried about the what if’s. Don’t look at the past, but into the future; your sex life will definitely prosper.
