Ok, I know right away there are women who love porn. They have absolutely no problems with it, find it arousing, and include it as part of their sex life with their partner. I am very happy for you and envy that level of security. This blog is not for them. This is for the rest of the female population that is threatened, hurt, degraded, and damaged by their partner looking at porn.
I have been involved with my man for ten months now. The relationship has had its ups and downs like all relationships, however, the sex has always been fantastic. Let me state up front there is an age difference between the two of us, which is more of a problem for me than him (I am the older one). I have an extremely high sex drive. I was alone, raising my child, for several years and it was up to me to satisfy my urges which were frequent, sometimes three times a day. I know this is TMI but I want to be clear he had all the sex he wanted at anytime!
Okay, here we go, several months ago I found porn on his computer. No, I was not spying, he asked me to set up a Facebook account for him and I found it in his history at that time. I asked him about it and basically got silence. What really irked me was it was some title like “Eighteen-year-old takes it hard.” Okay, the porn is bad enough but when he is looking at teens when I am an adult woman is twice as insulting.
I asked him not to do it again that it upset and hurt me—and all I got was he doesn’t do it often. Okay, then a couple of months went by and one night we were fighting and he slept downstairs. Again I didn’t spy but he the next day he asked me to do something else on his computer (oh, I didn’t mention I am a computer administrator/technician) and when I went to the browser bar I hit p instead of s and guess what, pornhub, again! Okay no teens this time it was “hot wet asses” or something along those lines. This time I watched the video but didn’t say anything to him.
I did confront him the next day, I told him that if he wanted me to work on his computer that he should at least delete the porn. I explained how it made me feel again, like most women it made me doubt myself, I felt ugly, unwanted, not sexy, and I know I am never going to look like any of those women (unless I win the lottery.) I am in great shape and get plenty of male attention so I know I am not totally hideous but I do not have large boobs and a perfect ass. Anyway, I explained it all to him, told him I was furious, and told him I didn’t understand. I begged him to explain it to me but he couldn’t, he said we were fighting and he wasn’t going to get any that night. He said he didn’t know how to delete it and wanted me to show him, yeah right, I am not going to help him cover his tracks.
So I took a day and thought it all through and explained to him exactly what I needed for him to make me feel wanted, loved, and desirable again, he put the doubts there and he had to make them go away. He was great about all of it … until Thursday this week.
Women have a gut instinct that tells them when something is wrong and when I got up Friday I knew something was up. The first clue was he had gone downstairs about two in the morning, second clue, the dog pulled a used Kleenex out of the garbage to chew (gross), so now I am suspicious so I booted up his computer and all his browser history had been deleted, third clue. Now, again, I am a computer whiz, I know where to find the evidence even if he deleted it. Yep, there it was pornhub, twice; the video was called “Teen Dream.” I lost it, I printed the history went up and told him he had five minutes to tell me why I should stay in this relationship. Of course, like most men, he denied it. Deny, deny, then I showed him the web history transcript and his story changed.
