If you count the number of occasions you’ve made love to your partner, even a good estimate, you’d be surprised at how many times you’ve gotten busy over the years. Even the number for an average couple that has been together for just a year easily reaches over one hundred. When you do something that many times—even sex—it’s bound to get boring sooner or later. You spice up your soup when it gets boring, so why not spice up your sex life?
I’ve been with my partner for nearly eight years. Things continue to be exciting in the sex department. A lie, you say? Not at all and I’ll tell you why. About five years ago, when we were living in San Francisco, we were introduced to a fine establishment called Good Vibrations. It was a rainy day, so we decided that was a good enough reason to do some exploring, and by exploring, I mean that of the body region.
Good Vibrations is a sex-positive toy store for adults. When you’re inside, you don’t feel dirty or cheap, but rather, educated and excited. The staff is well versed in everything they sell from vibrators to strap-on dildos to lady-friendly porn videos. Being born and raised in a Catholic family in Missouri, these kinds of adult toys were framed as dirty and sinful and the kind of stores that sold them usually had purple-tinted windows with neon “XXX” signs and sat on the outskirts of town. It’s was an incredibly refreshing experience to ask questions at Good Vibes and not have our lack of experience be laughed at, and feel empowered about our sexuality.
That’s the thing about sex toys. Society, the media, and often our parents have taught us that intercourse should be standard. Any diversion from that, and it seems dirty and promiscuous and naughty. You know what else is dirty and promiscuous? Cheating on your partner because you’re bored sexually. I think couples using toys and videos to liven up their sex lives show amazing growth and liberation and, quite frankly, honesty. Together they’ve realized that, like a great pair of shoes that have seen better days, in order to stay useful, something’s gotta change. Sex toys aren’t dirty. They’re fun (hence the name “toys”). They open you up to a whole new feeling when making love.
There’s one age-old problem when exploring sex toys. One partner will almost always ask, “Am I not pleasing you enough?” Quite the contrary. The answer to that is, “How can we please each other more?” We all think of sex toys as vibrators and massage oils and dildos, which are aimed at women. But, the trip to Good Vibrations opened my eyes to the male toys section—specifically, cock rings. Now, probably like you, the only time I ever heard about cock rings was in the nineties movie Pump up the Volume when sex-kitten Samantha Mathis asks Christian Slater if he’s wearing a cock ring. My girlfriends and I all giggled about it, but really had no idea what it was, and didn’t dare look it up (this being the time before the Internet and Google) at the library.
The very helpful saleswoman at Good Vibes told my partner and me that a cock ring fits around a man’s penis and balls and constricts the blood flow to the penis allowing it to stay harder and prolong ejaculation during sex. Our eyes were huge with excitement. WOW. We bought one immediately and broke land speed records getting home. I’ll tell ya, there was nothing dirty about our afternoon. It was hot, exciting, and some of the best sex we’d ever had. We had catapulted our sex life into space, and damnit if we weren’t going back for seconds… and thirds.
Since our initial trip to Good Vibrations, we’ve moved to Seattle and found another sex toy store called Babeland. Same sex-positive environment. Same helpful staff. So helpful, in fact, that we upgraded our cock ring to include a little something for me—a vibrator. We simultaneously enjoyed the toy, if you know what I mean. Unlike our first ring, this one had a small, one-inch vibrator attached to the base of the ring to even further stimulate the lady during sex. I don’t use the word “ecstasy” very often, because it sounds like grocery store porn novels, but that’s exactly how I felt after this particular experience.
My partner and I thoroughly enjoy experimenting with sex toys. It’s kept our sex life as hot as it was in the first eight years, and will continue to keep things interesting for the next eight. Unlike Trudy and Sting, we aren’t one of those couples that like to speak openly about our sex life. But at the same time, we don’t hide it either. We aren’t ashamed that we enjoy sex toys, and we don’t feel like porn actors when we use them. We give the middle finger to the media that makes us feel dirty for enjoying and exploring sex, and will continue to fill our toy box with goodies. As a wise woman once said, “Don’t be dumb. Get you some.”
Visit these stores if you’re in the area:
