The first time it happened I was horrified. My boyfriend and I had quite the sexy romp which climaxed with his froth spilled all over my chest and belly. We stayed that way for another fifteen or twenty minutes before I finally rolled off the bed and stepped into the shower to rinse off. The problem: I had a raised red welt of cum-streak all over my skin that didn’t wash off with soap or go away. For hours. In fact, it didn’t completely fade for the next couple of days.
Now, if you’re anything like me, you’ve experienced a few different “flavors” of love juice. When it comes to royal jelly, no two men (in my experience) taste alike. I’ve had sweet, salty, tart, tangy, bland, watery, chunky, sour, creamy, metallic, fruity, and downright nasty. If there’s one persistent flavor that comes to mind, it’s pancake batter. Yes. (Have you tried it lately? Dip your finger in some next Sunday morning and tell me if I’m wrong.) I used to think flavor had something to do with diet or health. (Was he a carnivore? A vegetarian? An athlete? A smoker? A junk food junkie? A recreational drug user?) Maybe you’ve had similar thoughts, but my taste tests are still inconclusive. I’d like to say the vegans taste best, but frankly … well, let’s just say that’s not the case.
Beyond taste, there’s color and texture. Again, consistency is not the same from man to man (nor always the same with the same man). From thin, watery liquid to thick, creamy globules, I’ve seen cock-porridge that runs the gamut from skim milk to tapioca pudding. Honestly, I’m okay with most of it. And secretly (now, no longer, since I’m spilling it all here) I love the way it feels on my skin—that tingly sensation sends ripples of continued pleasure along my already highly sensitive body. (Then again, the tingles haven’t always happened either, which makes me wonder about sperm count ….)
But until my previously mentioned boyfriend, I’ve never experienced an allergic reaction from spume that burned my skin as if it had been graffitied by a permanent marker dipped in cayenne juice.
So, I did some research. Is it possible to be allergic to man oil? How good or bad can the spunk be? A girl’s got to know.
Based on my findings, here’s the down and dirty on what to expect when going down: Sperm only makes up about 1 percent of ejaculate. The seminal fluid is where all the goods are. Your average tablespoon of jism is a protein-packed, nutrient-rich cocktail of sugars, amino acids, minerals, vitamins, and hormones. Base ingredients include fructose, sorbitol, inositol, glutathione, DNA, creatine, phosphorus, zinc, magnesium, calcium, ascorbic acid, citric acid (Vitamin C), enzymes, phosphate, Vitamin B12, choline, potassium, lactic acid, cholesterol, nitrogen, testosterone, prostaglandins, and other trace elements.
That said, the amount of nutritive values of your man’s baby gravy can vary radically—ranging upwards of 400 percent—from serving to serving. Caloric-wise (cuz I know some of you ladies still like to count your calories) we’re looking at about fifteen calories per wad. If you ask me, it’s still better than an egg white omelet.
If all this breaks down to basic ingredients that are good for you, how is it that the cream sauce can make me break out in hives? My doctor said it’s likely an allergic reaction to the proteins in his junk that aren’t quite compatible with mine.
For me, it wasn’t the end of the world, but I did discover that it could have been—and for some of my sisters it is—much worse. Semen allergies, known as human seminal plasma protein hypersensitivity (SPH), are no joke for women who experience a range of mild reactions such as redness, itching, and swelling to more serious reactions such as pain, hives, burning, and blisters. But it’s really no laughing matter when the allergy is severe enough to cause angioedema, wheezing, and in rare cases, apoplectic shock. In those circumstances, I might recommend finding a new man. (Or at least stock up on condoms.)
