Do those Ohhs! and Ahhs! excite your sexy partner? No doubt, as you breathe heavily and share pleasure with your lover, at one time or another you’ve probably exaggerated how much pleasure you are experiencing during sex. And most women will admit that they have faked orgasms in the past—or that they currently fake orgasms in certain sexual situations. A gazillion polls have been conducted to pinpoint the exact number of women who fake orgasms—findings range anywhere from 33 percent to 75 percent of women faking it to some degree. Regardless of which percentage is accurate, it is evident that plenty of women have faked it at one time or another!
We live in a performance-orientated culture—a culture that celebrates deliverance in clutch situations: How well did you do? Did you achieve your objectives? This type of mentality is not restricted to a single aspect of life, like one’s professional life; it also lays the groundwork to assess one’s performance in relationships, which is largely defined by a simple answer to a personal question: Did I make her climax; Did he make me orgasm? A “yes” or “no” answer produces dramatically different responses from questing partners.
If a woman explains that she enjoyed herself but did not orgasm, a man (or woman) questions his performance: What did I do wrong? Why didn’t she orgasm? Is there something wrong with my penis or me? Some men freely ask these questions. Other men find such discussions incredibly difficult: recognizing that a woman did not climax is a tough admission to oneself, much less a tough admission to a partner. Women recognize how uncomfortable some men feel when a partner does not climax. Faking orgasms is one way to alleviate a man’s after-sex insecurities and a bombardment of questions: Did you enjoy yourself? How was that orgasm? Best, ever?
Women intuitively recognize that men define themselves sexually according to two interrelated considerations—sexual performance and penis size. These two factors drive men to repeatedly assess and question themselves about their hanky-panky prowess. Faking orgasms seems like a natural appeasement of the male ego; it’s definitely the most convenient method; and some women justify faking orgasms as the “polite” thing to do—though, really, isn’t it dishonest? And does faking it improve women’s chances at experiencing the real-deal-Holyfield? No! It’s paramount for couples to communicate about sex: the good, the bad, and even the ugly! A healthy relationship is founded on honest communication, so faking orgasms can be a detriment to the overall relationship.
No one deserves blame—or if blame must be handed out, it should be dealt to both men and women for not communicating. But men depend on women’s reactions during sex to know if what they are doing works. Women don’t want their partners to be disappointed, so faking orgasms is an easy way to instill false confidence in men—not in a mean-spirited way, of course! Despite women’s loving intentions, they send mixed signals to men when exaggerated pillow clutches and formulaic vocal utterances supersede honest communication. How will your lover learn to make you sing sexy orgasmic songs if he thinks you are sexually satisfied when, in fact, you are not? There’s something extraordinarily special about couples participating in honest discussions about how they feel and what they need!
