It’s not too often you meet three new girlfriends with whom you instantly click and know you’ll be friends for life. Amazingly, that’s what happened for me over the holidays. Oh sure, they’re not quite what you’d expect. Okay, I’ll put it out there—they’re vibrators named Ina, Lily, and Mona. What’s the big deal? At least they’re not just any vibrators. They’re from LELO.com, the Swedish company that is to sex toys what Apple is to computers. Through modern design and some seriously elegant engineering, LELO has managed to elevate the embarrassingly ugly sex toy into the “pleasure object,” an icon of “simplicity, sensuality, and sophistication.”
[Note to reader: the following is a rare look into the secret sex life of sex toys. For mature audiences only. For a tamer peek into sex toys, please try this though it’s not nearly as entertaining.]
I looked up from the white glossy LELO booklet from which I was reading aloud. “Is that really true, Lily?” I asked my tiny new friend.
Lily peeked her head over the edge of her black silk cloak. “Why, yes, it is, especially for me,” she said with authority. “As for Mona and Ina over there,” she nodded towards them, “Well, they can be real dicks. Especially that Ina, who, with all due respect, is a dick and then some.”
“Geesh,” I said surprised by her strong feelings. Maybe professional jealously, I thought to myself, as I reached for Ina and examined her sleek, elongated hourglass figure. Okay, yes, she’s a little phallic looking but she can’t help that. I fiddled with the chubby green thumb-like projection sprouting from her tapered waist; it turned Ina into a modern, hipper version of the old Rabbit vibrator. “Lily,” I said flicking it, “is this thumby thing you mean?”
“Precisely,” said Lily rocking back and forth in agreement. “That thumby thing, as you put it, has simply gone to her head. If I have listen to her go on again about how she’ll be a thousand times more famous than the Rabbit, well, I think I’ll just explode.” Lily went to cross her arms and then remembered she didn’t have any.
Mona suddenly erupted with a lusty, throaty bellow of a laugh that sounded like it came from the depths of her rechargeable battery. “You know,” she said with a voice sounding remarkably like Mae West, “sometimes a good dick is all a girl really needs, and a little thumby thing ain’t gonna hurt either.”
“I couldn’t agree more, Mona!” I said relieved to be changing the topic. “And bye the way,” I said with admiration, “who styles you? That purple outfit is a—door—a—bull!” Mona blinked coquettishly, which is when I noticed something else. Other than color, the only difference between Mona and Ina was the thumby thing on Ina.
“Hey, are you guys twins or something?” I asked, my finger waving back and forth between them.
“Fraternal,” said Ina speaking up at last. “And since I’ve finally got the floor,” she continued with gravitas, “I’d like to clear something up. We’re actually a very tight team. You need to know that. Okay, so I got this competitive thing with the Rabbit and it gets on Lily’s nerves. Big deal. Lily’s still the best. She’s a good egg and I love her.”
“And she travels well,” piped up Mona.
I picked up little pink Lily and stroked her. She was so soft to the touch, and yet so hard—a perfect package of ‘tough love.’
“Aw, heck,” Lily said, looking from Ina to Mona and then up at me. “Just giving customers what they want, right where they want it.”
“Amen, sister,” said Mona.
Ina crossed her thumby thing (sort of) and nodded approvingly. I sat back and surveyed my new friends. Gawd, they were a sexy looking bunch. Toned, colorful, and focused. You don’t get that too often in girlfriends. That’s when it dawned on me, I’d never thought about my girlfriends in quite this way before.
