We talked about it. And, it reigns up there as one of the most uncomfortable conversations I think we both have ever had. He was not defensive, nor was he angry. In fact most of the time he was blushing, like a little kid whose mom found Playboy under his bed (note: I do NOT want to be anyone’s mom, but this was the emotion I felt). After a while a few things came out of him and of me:
Me first:
- Are you doing this because you are unhappy sexually with us?
- Are there things you watch here that you want to do, but have been unable to initiate with me, don’t want to do with me, or that I do not inspire in you?
- Do you see me as your “wife type” and these are your “vixens” and the two are totally separate?
- Are you looking at young girls that would be considered illegal?
- Are you looking at gay sex with two men? (Let it be known, I have nothing against gay sex. My issue here is that if my boyfriend is struggling with his sexuality I would rather he do it outside a monogamous heterosexual relationship).
- Are you looking at anything that involves any kind of violence? Animals?
I gave a disclaimer before I asked these. I said, look, I know you are a good person. But my sister had a friend whose husband was caught online chatting with an illegally young girl, and no one would have ever guessed, including the wife. These stories are out there. There are people who look at porn in an unhealthy way. I need to know that this is not what we are talking about here and you need to be honest with me.
He said:
- Every one does it. It is normal.
- He does it every once in a while. It goes through stages.
- He loves our sex life and is not doing this because he is unhappy with us.
- He does not look at anything scary, illegal, or gay.
