Well last week me and Carson had a horrible week, so I went to stay with my cousin for the weekend to get my mind off of things and to try to be myself again.
My weekend went great, and I had so much fun. We kind of talked to Carson to see where we are now. Me and Carson like each other and we are friends and everything, but we aren’t together yet! If I do something, like talk to my ex, he gets so mad. Or if I smoke, he gets so angry and doesn’t want to talk to me. I am twenty-years-old. What is up with that? I mean we’re not even dating and he gives me rules …
I just think that I should call it off and just stay distant friends with him. I just don’t know. I mean, he has lots of girls that are his friends and I don’t get mad when he hugs them. He hates my girl cousin, and just talking to her makes him pissed off—even though I see why he doesn’t like her. She does like to talk a lot of crap.
I just don’t know … I need my friend Ron here, but he lives close to my mom, which is in Florida. Ron is my back-up. He helps me through everything, and he know when something is wrong. He wants me to come home and move in with him, but I like Texas, and I want to be close to my other friends—but I don’t want to leave. The only problem is I don’t want to leave Carson. But honestly, doing this to myself might kill me.
I am a very sensitive person, and I always worry about other people and if what I say might hurt them. This might be the worst time in my life. Carson is just causing me problems in the long run. I think today will last day of us.
Is there any good guys left in this world? Once again, I am letting myself get hurt by someone else. Will I ever learn? Most likely I will continue to let him do this to me! I need willpower to let him go. I need a little push! And I need someone to help me with that. I honestly need to grow up and do it myself, but I don’t know if I can. He has been a problem since we first started talking. When we were going to go out, I found out the next day that he was dating someone, and just broke up with her the night before. I guess I need to call the quits! Pray for me!
