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Heartbreak

For the first time, I heard it, a shattering noise, crackling pieces inside my soul.

The pain is ever lasting, just increases as time passes by, whoever said that time is the best healer.

I wonder . . .

I forgive, I try to keep myself busy, but I can’t seem to stop thinking of him.

Mixed feelings, apprehension . . . I don’ know. Am I angry at you for walking away, or am I waiting for you to come back? I know you were lying to me all the while, but I choose to believe you.

All time low, crazy, makes me dizzy. Tears brim , never seem to dry up . . .

I turn to God for solace and prayer, no respite, yet.

I see my world falling apart, right here, I can touch the pieces, but I can’t do anything about it.

I am helpless. I don’t want to drown in self-pity, I want to be happy, smile, and spread warmth, but you never cease to take over me.

I see so many faces around me, oblivion to all that I feel because I have a plastic smile.

The strum of the guitar, the slightest vision of light, soft melodious notes, the dreams at night, all of them, all of them are filled with him.

It is not possible to fake happiness and peace . . .

First published September 2011

32 readers liked this story.

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Key terms (tags) for this article:
heartbreak, heartache, relationship, feeling, pain, emotion (view other popular tags)

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Comments

Recently, I broke things off with someone I really believed in. I did not want to give him the power to spoil my day, so everytime he came into my thoughts, I thought back with the simple mantra, "I don't need this." Everytime I'd get that stinging pain in my heart, I'd take a hard look around at the blessings in front of me. I truly believe that if we were meant to be together, we would have worked things out. And, I really believe that the sooner I shut this door, the sooner one will open, and this next opportunity is a new chance to find the love that is right for me.

I can totally relate to the statement. I dated a man for 6 years and I did everything to try and make this relationship work. He had dragged me down with the pressure of two abortions, my self-esteem, telling me that I have nothing to bring to the table or offer any other man. I then started to view him differently. How can a man say he loves me and treat me like this? It was so hard for me to comprehend but, after evaluating our now lost relationship he never wanted me the way I think he did. I feel so crush that I don't know where to begin putting the pieces of my life. I pray, I vent to family and friends, try to keep myself busy but nothing seems to help. I look at it as a waste of my time but, a good listen learned....there's always signs and my was there from the time he had me abort those babies.

Sounds trite, but when you are ready and when the man is right, it can be a wonderful thing. I met my husband not that long after having my heart so busted I could not imagine ever not thinking my ex-guy was the one and only. How wrong I was. No, the pain I felt and the loss I experienced is no less real - but when I found the one I needed to be with, I discovered that I could indeed love just as much as before and this time I could be loved just as much in return.

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I enjoyed this article it definitely reminded me of some times in my 54 years of life and it never gets easier it just seems to become more dull at times. Enjoyed this write more.