It began almost seventeen years ago. We’ve been through it all together, and then one day—wham! He wants a divorce, and the creep brought his mother to the house when he told me. Man, how could this be happening? I know he loves me; it’s not a question after this long. What the hell? I just didn’t get it. But it happened, really happened. And it wasn’t pretty. As I look back now, he was telling me why. But it took me a while to get it. I just couldn’t believe he would actually leave me. Can you stand how blind we get after being with one person for so long?
And what was it all about? Money of course. We bought a new house a few years before, from a member of his family. Let this be a warning. Don’t buy anything from family members—never a good idea. Friends tried to warn me, but I just listened to him. It’s a good deal, we are helping my Mom, she can’t take care of the place any longer and she’s going to sell it anyway—the reasons to buy go on and on. Oh I was being so smart about the whole thing ... going through an attorney, making sure names were changed on the deed, doing everything right to protect myself. After all, I’m college educated and consider myself pretty savvy when it comes to dealings with life and money and men.
I spent the next few years decorating and making it my own—changing paint colors from boring beige to golden maize. My husband added a new bedroom “facing the lake” so we could have a nice view (using his mom’s credit card—we’d pay her cash, but put it on her card as she liked the “points” she’d get on her card). We added a new dock, new artwork, furniture, the whole shebangabang. He began speaking about whom we would leave the place to when we died. We both were married before and had children from the other marriages. He began speaking of “legacies.” I remember thinking, what is he talking about, but as in most long-term marriages, just sort of ignored it.
But that’s when it happened ... right before our wedding anniversary, the “D” word. He was so cold. I was so stunned. This man I loved and supported, I can’t even get into all the crap we’d gone through together. He’s divorcing me!! I could have left him so many times before and no one would have blamed me. But no, I believed in this marriage, I loved him, and the world be damned. And in the end he divorced me ... I know, I know, I keep saying that, but if you’ve been there, then you know the feeling. I’ll never forget it—“Oh, by the way—happy anniversary.”
And what a messy divorce it was ... he fought over every little thing. My attorney said he just went through the house and wrote down everything in it—put it in a spreadsheet, gave it a value, and viola, through the magic of Excel, came up with a number. Yep ... seventeen years together boiled down to an Excel spreadsheet. He was that cavalier about it too. He wanted the house and didn’t want to pay me a dime and he had his numbers and family history to back it all up—“She doesn’t get the house; it was in my family for years! Commonwealth state my butt!”
Ladies—beware ... its still a man’s world—the lawyers, judges, masters, the whole damn legal system. If you’re going through it, get your emotions in check. In fact, get rid of any emotions whatsoever and get yourself the meanest cutthroat lawyer his money can buy and do it fast. They all change when it’s divorce time. It has something to do with the breed. They can detach from emotions like no women ever could. But when it comes to divorce, put those tears away for a rainy day and ready yourself for battle.
