It has been less than six weeks since I found out he cheated on me again. Although the pain of his betrayal is still fresh and the wound very deep; it feels as if I have been waiting forever to breathe. I have since filed for divorce but we still live together in the same house. We sign the paperwork next week for the divorce proceedings to begin. It has been the time in between waiting to sign and leaving that has left me feeling as if I am in a black hole and cannot find my way out. Maybe I should have moved out, although I really cannot afford to.
He does not want the divorce. But he has not even said that he is sorry for cheating again. He is now claiming that his cheating is due to a sex addition. He has been checking into counseling in order to get help. Four years ago, we had been married eight years at the time when I found out he had cheated, not once but twice. I forgave him and we both went to marriage counseling. Although I still love him, I am feed up with his behavior. I know it is time to move on. I just want the pain and waiting to be over. Maybe it would help if I was angry over what has happened but I am not, only sad and disappointed. Actually, I think the marriage ended four years ago. This time, I am facing the reality that its over. A reality that he is not yet ready to deal with. This time I do not feel that I owe him anything other than civility and wishes for a happy life.
I just want to wake up and have all of this behind me. Right now that day seems like a million light years away. How do I breathe until that day comes?
Chris George
