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It Just Wasn’t Enough

I’m suddenly reminded of a quote from a book I read long ago. The book is titled Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil (you may remember the movie of the same name starring Kevin Spacey). “Truth, like art, is in the eye of the beholder. You believe what you want, and I’ll believe what I know.”

Perception is a funny thing; it causes people to construct their own personal truth. You see, the entire world perceived that I was one half of a perfect Generation Y relationship. Too many friends saw hopes in their own romantic future just by being around us. We were young, in love, had our own home, and over the course of three years, had built a solid life with a bright future. It was a comforting thought; giving my own cynical girlfriends a hope that decent men were out there, waiting to be discovered.

But when it all ended, not only did my world come crashing to a halt, but theirs as well. Those closest to me were confused, how, when everything was so perfect, did it come to an end? Suddenly I was cast into a negative light as a silly woman who was clearly out of her mind for leaving such a perfect man. My friends didn’t understand my reasons at all: he didn’t cheat, he never laid a hand on me, was never harsh ... we never even fought. They believed that I was making a mistake, because they clearly thought that the only reason a relationship should end was due to one of the horrible reasons mentioned earlier.

We certainly had a beautiful start to our relationship. We believed we were infallible—nothing would ever tear us apart and one day we would lead a fabulous life in a big city with a child and a dog, and everything would be perfect forever and ever and always. I believe with every ounce of my soul that it is this attitude that caused the deterioration of our relationship. You see, a relationship needs work because no one is perfect. You will make mistakes and you will hurt your partner, but if you are willing to invest in the relationship, you must be willing to accept the fact that you are human and you make mistakes, and your partner can help you grow to be a better person.

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Comments

I feel like I had the same experience, but with a few differences. I had been with my ex almost 3 and a half years (four, if you count the initial false start) when he broke it off. We'd been in a long-distance relationship for months after graduating from college and he just withdrew more and more. I finally moved back out to California and two weeks later he handed me my stuff and left. There were warning signs for almost two years before it ended, but I ignored them. He cheated, I took him back. He lied, I forgave. He was depressed, I consoled, he ignored it. I'm better off without him, single or not (though currently single). He sucked too much energy from me. I saw what was going to happen, but was to afraid to end it myself. That's what gets me the most. Never again. Love and adore me or get the hell out of the way!

This article was well written and very insightful. Loved it! Gives me such great insight to my own relationship...its nice to know that even if it ends up working out for us or not, there's still light at the end of the tunnel.

This man is a mama's boy. Even at 30, when we would visit, his mother would insist on doing his laundry. He always got what he wanted from his mother, and in turn , was never made to cope with anything that didn't go his way. His interests were self-important, and he cared more for what he wanted than the needs of our relationship. He also had a huge self-loathing problem, which is why he probably projected his feelings of negativity on to me. I learned a lot from all of this, and I am so happy to say that I have since met a wonderful man who is willing to see me as an equal and yet treat me like the goddess I am. :)

So true. But do you know how he was a raised? Some men have been raised to believe that unless a woman (his mother?) fulfills all his needs, no matter how unrealistic, that she is not a "real woman". I know a man whose mother protected him from an abusive father, and he actually resents that she 'did too much' for him and 'prevented him from getting to know his father and be a real man'. Some men are so spoiled, they never grow out of it! Perhaps a real, equal female was simply too much for him, not to mention one who could help financially, no matter how unrealistic it would be for him to be the sole provider without a job. Some men feel they must control how a woman feels about her body to prevent her from 'feeling too good' and able to leave him for another man if his flaws hurt the relationship. You are not alone!!

Very poignant! Needs to be published in a major magazine!